Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day To Me Indeed!

Having my strawberries and eating it too. 
Yeah baby, life is gooood!
Two years ago on Mother's Day my STBE husband put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me after his mother falsely accused me of cheating on him. Last year he said nothing to me, although he did buy a perfume set for MY mother. I can safely say that this year is probably the best mother's day I have had in these 4 plus years that I have been a mom. My day was largely uneventful but drama-free and what bliss it was!

The first year was not so bad. I was busy fussing over my newborn to notice anything. The second, I can't remember. Oh yes, I was pregnant, exhausted, and chasing around my older one while her dad was away for work. The third was when he put the knife to my throat. The fourth, I was in the kitchen with my mom cooking US a Mother's Day meal which HE came home all stank with smoke and gobbled up. Did I mention he did not wish me a Happy Mother's Day?

So this fifth Mother's Day was da bomb! (Do people still say that? hahaha!)  Last night I had shipped the girl's off to grandmother's house expecting to go out on a date with H.S.S.  Did I go? No. Not his fault, mine. He wanted us to catch a late movie but I was not feeling up to it as I have been taking a beating from these allergies and the Benadryl was making me sleepy. He said he was coming over to take care of me because I sounded like shit. (*sniff sniff swoon*) But your girl fell asleep when he was about to be on his way and missed his calls and texts. LOL!

So I woke up the next morning, feeling relaxed and rejuvenated, and not feeling the least bit bothered by my lack of sex. I made myself a delicious breakfast which I had in bed, tray and all. I was not sweating about my babies because they hooked me up with a lovely card they made and a plant. I wasn't even sweating my mom today because yesterday I gave her an early gift: flowers, mushy card, and a new cell phone. Then my nephews came over and I spent all afternoon cracking my whip as they mowed my overgrown lawn and washed my car. I made myself a banging dinner. Picked the kids up. I had just finished downing the stellar dinner and topped it off with dessert! You know I had me some chocolate covered strawberries, right? Mm mm mm....

I was feeling uber relaxed. Feeling good about how far I'd come in under a year. I was feeling really good. Until...the phone rings and it's him. My STBE husband. We talked for 30 minutes. The longest we've talked in a while. I haven't spoken to him in probably a month. He did his obligatory spiel to the girls about how much he loves them and missed them, then we did the requisite business chat. The current financial state of the household, and the role he can play to ease the burden off me. Of course I got the whole "wish I could do more" bit. Oh, he did wish me a Happy Mother's Day too. *smirk*

So don't ask me how we ended up in this topic of conversation, but we started talking about us. We talked about some of the things that went wrong and the very end of it all when he left our household. He wants to come back and asked me if I would consider letting him come back in the future. I did not answer him. I just told him that I am focusing on me and the kids right now, and trying to stay afloat. I told him that he and I didn't have to be together but we still need to be a team because we have 2 children that we share DNA with.

He wants to see me face to face so we can talk. I am not ready. Maybe when I file the divorce I will feel a sense of closure. I do expect some bitterness on his end but I really don't care. As I said before, I feel as if this is the best Mother's Day I've had so far. And it so happens that it coincides with his absence.

But despite the past events I feel really happy, blessed, loved, and grateful. I am grateful God gave me the opportunity to be a mom to my two girls. I may have my battle scars (stretch marks) and horrible memories of  miserable pregnancies and sleepless nights but it was so worth it. They give me courage each day to keep fighting in this war of survival. If it weren't for the love of my girls, I doubt I would want to find a real and meaningful love in my romantic life.  I am truly blessed. Happy Mother's Day to me indeed!

And a Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Especially to those of you who do so much with so little. Hats off to you ladies!

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