Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Dirty Pigeons Always Come Home To Roost

And so, just as I was bitching about HSS and his deceptions, the dirty mutha shut my mouf had the nerve to call me last week while I was at work. Sigh... I dreaded this day. I knew it was coming. He is curious. Curious about what I know about his extra curricular activities while we were seeing each other.  So, he accused me of not knowing his number and going on about how he couldn't tell the last time he saw me let alone spoke to me. I could tell the last time I saw him; Snowmageddon right before Halloween in 2011. I did not mention that though. I did tell him that the phone works both ways. Then he asks me how I was doing. I told him in my best bitchy voice that I had hills and valleys just like everyone else. He tried to get me to be more specific. I repeated my prior statement. I was getting annoyed. I did not want to hang the phone up even though I was tempted to, I wanted to hear what he had called to say.

So I turned the tables and I questioned him about his current situation, workwise. I asked him nothing about his mother, or the Manatee he was dating. He had the nerve to ask me how things were with my husband and how the happy family thing was working out. I was like WTF??? Somehow he had assumed that my husband and I would have gotten back together since he was no longer in the picture. That couldn't have been further from the fact. I had not spoken to the STBE since his birthday when he called, but did not call on any of the kids' birthdays. Well, it would have made almost a year if he did not call me recently to challenge me about raising our children based on some made up shit that his mother had stirred up. Another story for another day...

So HSS is beating around the bush and asking me questions, probing deeply. He dared not ask me what my romantic situation  was but asked about the kids and my mother. I filled him in as briefly as I could. When I saw that the conversation was turning into an inquisition I quickly pulled the reins and told him I had to go back to work. He asked when he could call me back. I said whenever he felt like. He tried to pin me down to a time. I responded coldly, "If you get me, you get me. If you don't, you don't."

He told me he would call at a certain time and I hung up. He hasn't called back and I have not called him. I don't intend to. I don't want him to ever feel like we are familiar friends and can just pick right back up wherever we left off. I have never been so certain of anything in my life. Then I think, if only I could fuck him without having to talk to him, I sure as hell would because I swear that dick is lined with gold! But that isn't happening and we aren't happening so that's a wrap!

I told my girlfriend, the one he messed with, that I heard from him and she agreed with me. Shit ain't right with the Great Ape and so he's hunting for some familiar pussy. It ain't happening!

So, speaking of dirty birds I finally heard from the African about 2 weeks ago. He started blowing up my phone, and I did not respond. I did call back in the night when I knew he'd most likely be asleep. He texted me the following day asking me what's up. I responded that I was just returning his calls. He said he was just saying hi. I simply said "oh".

About 10 days passed before he texted to ask how I was doing again. I said I was well. He then stated that I couldn't say it has been sadness after sadness since the time we last saw each other til now. I said that was not necessarily so,but I won't harp on it because I am still alive despite the fact. He then said some shit to me that would have automatically qualified him for a bitch slap. He claimed he could sense I was in a mood so he was going to let me be. The nerve! The last time I spoke to him I was on the rag. And to be honest, I was at this point too. But me being on the rag has no bearing on my pistivity. He proved to me that I was just a mere convenience. Not once while he was away did he attempt to contact me to see how I was doing. And then all of a sudden he returns I am supposed to be happy to hear from him? Did he forget the terms under which we parted before he left? And there is no excuse for him not calling me while he was away. His people in Africa call him daily with their drama, constantly begging him for shit. I am sure they have the internet over there too. It's all good though because I decided before he left that I was done with him! I did want to tell him that in person but I was never given that chance. Now he will have to get it at some point that it is over and just move the hell on.

Oh, almost forgot. The guy I met on..SMH...Craigslist...he resurfaced some time prior to the holidays. That was the third time, and I tell you, it was the last time. I know I said that the second time around, but this time I had really thought that he had recovered from the heartache of his breakup with his wife. He sent me this long assed email explaining what happened during the time we had not spoken, which was almost 2 years. He said he wanted to know if I was still available, and even if I was not he still wanted to remain in contact with me because I was "good peoples". After a long conversation I decided to see him again. We had a good couple dates and picked right up where we had left off, then as usual, right around Christmas he went MIA on me, as usual. [rolleyes]. I noticed the calls and texts stopped coming in as often, or he was pessimistic in his messages. I would send him encouraging messages each morning only to have them rebuffed by his negativity. I decided to pull the plug on that one, then after the holidays had passed he contacted me, only to be greeted by my arctic tone, quite suited to the frigid temperatures we were experiencing at the time. He has not contacted me since, and I swear I hope he never does. But he probably will, because dirty pigeons always come home to roost. They eat nastiness wherever they fly away to and come home and shit all over you.

Does not matter to me at this point. I already made up my mind that I was done with him. Just like I made up my mind that I was done with HSS and the African. Now if these SOBs can just get it clear that I am no longer interested in their half assed attempt to fake a relationship, I would be free to focus on making moves in my life, and do me as I have been doing all this time. The Aquarian is on my Pigeon list too. His thirsty ass is about to get cut too because this woman is going on a dickless diet. I need to regain some balance in my life, and believe me I have had some great dick recently, but I feel like I am just not centered and until I regain equilibrium, I will have to cut the deadweight out of my life and off my body.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Dirtiest Bastard of Them All

One morning back in October, I discovered some serious revelations that put everything into perspective for me. I'd just gotten off of an overnight shift earlier that morning. I was on the phone with not-my-man and we were actually having some very deep conversations regarding relationships, what we wanted, past experiences, etc. I had to bring my SUV in to the dealership for maintenance, meet my new DJ, and in between that, hook up with an old girlfriend from college for breakfast. Pretty busy morning, but things were going well.

My girlfriend and I were each talking about our love lives, the ins and the outs, highs and the lows, ups and downs. Somewhere in the midst of our conversation, my high school sweetheart comes up. I told her about our initial rekindling, breaking down, then ending of our relationship. I told her about that time during the summer when I ran into his mom who gave me a big hug then proceded to fill me in on his activities. She showed me a photo of him and his new girlfriend, who was like a manatee in a lacefront wig. Even his mother couldn't stand her. I told my girlfriend that his mother should have been my mother in law. She and I shared a close relationship and maintained ties even after we broke up. Since our getting back together after my separation, she had hinted that I should stop by whenever I felt like. I never did. Especially after HSS and I went our separate ways, just because I didn't want to risk running into him. Anyhow, I shared with my girlfriend how his mother basically reminded me of why I couldn't be with him then, now,or ever. 

Then I said his name at the end of my spiel. The look on my girlfriend's face change. I knew it then. I knew it right at that second. I said,"you fucked him too didn't you?"

She started shaking her head in disbelief. Me, I remained stoic. Unmoved. But inside I was brewing up my own personal tornado. I started to replay things. To connect dots. To see if this was really a mistake. After running through the checklist to make sure that this was the same man we were talking about, we confirmed it was indeed him. We confirmed that they met each other right around the time I started dating the Aquarian. Right around the time I told him I was done with him and wanted to explore my options. Right around the time he called me to ask if I was really done with him. Right around the time he came over to see if we could work things out but ended up fighting instead. The same night I laid down in my bed only to find him giving me the best head he'd ever given me then making "love" to me with Sade singing "This is no Ordinary Love" in the background. 

It turns out that it did not get that far with my girlfriend. She said that he claimed she was too much woman for him to handle. And he is right. My friend is far too intelligent and sophisticated to put up with his childish bullshit. But he had pursued her, telling her that he was single and was not seeing anyone which was a blatant lie. And so, even though he and I were no longer seeing each other, he had managed to hurt me one more time. I decided it would be the last.

I told her I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't. How could I be when she had no idea. Even though he had no clue we were good friends he was still very much at fault. She and I conspired to let him know that we knew about each other. I sent him an IM telling him that she said hi. I ended it with a smiley face. That was some real passive aggressive shit and he would know it too. He replied hours later, "uh..ok?"

Then after no response from me he asked a while after if I was not saying hi too. I sent a single question mark for my reply. He wanted to rope me into conversation to find out just what I knew.I did not feed into it and he did not push it any further. Weeks later he asked me if I was ok during the hurricane. I said yes and thanks. He sent Thanksgiving greetings. I said thanks same to you. I always kept it short with him and never left any open ended questions that would require further conversation. On New Year's Eve he wrote me this email. 

"May not get the chance later so..
Just want to take this opportunity to wish u & ur family a happy new year. Hope that u r able to have ur new starts, as well as achieve all ur goals. God bless"

I don't know what the intent was behind it but I sent him back this exact response 4 days later:


This bastard has no place in my life. I would live happily knowing I would never hear from him again. I can't say I hate him, as it takes way too much brain power to hate someone. Can't say I wasn't hurt. I am slowly trying to get over it. I am just grateful that I dodged a bullet, again. I told my girl that too, that she dodged a bullet. She agreed, as a matter of fact she was the one who encouraged him to go to counselling with his mom. Something I was not able to do. He can try to control some low self esteem heffer with his insecure mommy issues ass. Not this woman. And I can celebrate that fact from here to kingdom come!

Thursday, January 3, 2013

The Realest Facebook Status...

I have ever posted...

"After playing the whole traditional love game I have come to the conclusion that we have all been had with this fairy tail happily ever after notion. You know what real love is? It is not long walks on the beach or a candlelit dinner and a movie. It is a mutual understanding, appreciation, admiration, acceptance, and RESPECT for each other. Love is knowing when to concede when you are wrong, and when to be "wrong" to make things right. Love is an unspoken conversation between the two of you that always ends with a meeting of the minds without uttering a single word. Love is being there when needed, in whatever way needed, without being there all the time. Love simply is, and if people would stop forcing it to fit in the mold society placed on us, then it would flow freely and evolve into whatever form it needs to be."