Monday, May 30, 2011

3 Ruinous Things That Have Killed Dating Etiquette

A FB friend posted a status today that garnered a whopping 102 comments. His status read:

I am at a loss, but where does it state that a man is obliged to give a woman money? Our society is really messed up and I know many a females will see this, read it and think, "He's cheap if he doesn't" But there is no rule or law that says he has to. Our women are being grossly misinformed here.

My lengthy reply was:

Here's the crux of the matter what we wanna tell ourselves, men and women were not created equally...the feminist movement has denigrated womanhood to an extent and men no longer behave like gentlemen because of it. Women are more sexually liberal than times past, more educated, and financially independent, but all that has done has made it ok for *men* to slack off in their duties, shirking certain responsibilities, and regarding women who expect men to take care of them as gold diggers.

Mr X, to your original question: a man should not feel obligated to give a woman money, but if it is a woman worth having and a woman you want to build a life with then money should be no issue. You should want to give her your last dime if it boiled down to that. If he marries her then it is his responsibility to provide for his family. No woman wants to marry a broke ass man and that is a fact. My ex husband is probably hating my guts right now cuz I got the house and the SUV from the divorce. But hey, his kids gotta live somewhere and I have to  have transportation to go to work and shuttle them back and forth so at the end of the day he is taking care of them by taking care of me and that's what it boils down to. But of course there are dumb chickens out there who take advantage of a man who tries to do the right thing and make a bad name for the rest of us.

To surmise, weigh each situation based on its own merit. It is unfair to paint every woman with the same broad brush.

So in the spirit of this very heated discussion, I reflected upon the things in society that caused the breakdown in male-female relationships, particularly how men behave towards women, and broke it down to three contributing factors. They are as follows:

Radical Feminists

Now, we admit that the feminist revolution helped accomplish many things and we are grateful. Gender equality in the workplace, readily available forms of contraception. OK, great! But when you are harping to every man you meet that you are educated, own your own home, and make x amount of money you are just telling him that you don't need him. Men want to be needed. No. Need to be needed. It is part of their insecure masculine nature. Sure you may be doing well for yourself but no need to rub it in his face on the first date.

Also, when you keep harping that women are equal to men and can do anything men can do, and the biggest lie of all: "I don't need no man!", don't be surprised if you end up holding your own door, pulling out your own chair, and paying for your own food.

The Gold Digger

Thanks to the gold digger, most of us women have to "pretend" that money is not an issue. It is an issue. It is not everything but love can't go to the supermarket. Love can't pay bills. Women are now afraid of demanding that their men step up to the plate because they are afraid of appearing like gold diggers. Men use the gold digger as an excuse to avoid taking care of their children because according to them: "she trapped me with a kid and I ain't even sure if it's mine." I am not saying that there aren't groupies who go around and deliberately get pregnant for high profile stars so they could have an 18 year meal ticket, but their MO has the rest of us regular girls walking on eggshells around potential partners because we don't want to seem like we're gold diggers. F-U very much!

Hip Hop/Dancehall

This genre of music is not all bad, but the prevalent message that comes from them is one of a violent sexual nature. There are a plethora of songs likening women to hos and pretty much laud lewd behavior and course language. It's OK to dress like a ho, shake your ass like you're getting paid to, and fuck anyone just to get ahead (even if it means getting ahead in the line outside the club). Karrine Steffans made her living from sucking dicks and yapping about it. She's getting paid to play the part that she and other video vixens portray, and sadly it is spilling off the screen into your homes as your little sisters or daughters watch and emulate Beyonce and others, as they strut around and shake what their mommas gave them.

 In dancehall specifically, there is an increase in references to angry sex. It is now fashionable for a man to liken intercourse to stabbing, beating, tearing, daggering, tumping (thumping), and forcing up one's penis into a female's vagina. This rape culture is becoming too pervasive in our culture, and men expect us to be dutty wining, head top balancing, doggy style posing, stripper heeled wearing, g-string stuffing hoes.

Can you think of any other reason why etiquette and chivalry has gone out the window and why men have become so tight with their wallets?

Sunday, May 29, 2011

All I Wanted To Do Was Cut The Grass

"They say i have to be strong
and that I've got to carry on.
But what am I? 
I'm not made of steel.
I can't tell myself what to feel."

I sprained my frikking wrist. My lawnmower is shot. My grass has grown ten feet high. Begged the nephews to come over and help. Of course they did a half assed job and I have to finish up myself. My garden is nowhere in vision this year. Meanwhile my two year old is inside potty training and getting her dukie everywhere. I really can't do this by myself anymore. For the first time in my singledom I am declaring that I NEED a man. I never had to worry about this mess when STBE was around. The lawn was the one thing he took care of without me bitching at him. Definitely not feeling like this superwoman people expect me to be.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Facebook SMH

It sickens me. It just sickens me. They'll post cryptic cuss outs. They will find every single break up song on youtube and post them. Their relationship status changes from married to widowed. And the dude just posted a bunch of photos 53 seconds ago from his latest night at the club. Then a few weeks or months later you see the same widowed broad post family pics where she and her man are all smiles and kisses. Or the relationship status goes back to married. Or they will post some status like "going on a date with my boo ♥". And you're like "Boo who? Not the same nucka you just done cyber cussed out and swore up and down you were through with? Give me a frikking break!"

You know what I am talking about. That mess just makes me SMH! When my husband and I were together we NEVER posted mushy photos of us. I have pics of him and the girls and maybe one of both of us. But none of us kissing or acting all lovey dovey. And it was not because we weren't offline. When I was not pissed off with him we would cuddle a lot. We weren't touchy feely all the time but we usually kissed each other goodbye when one was leaving the house. But of course our marriage went down the toilet and I am about to flush.

I don't believe in cyber PDA. Of course I did put my relationship status up for a while but it wasn't like people could not figure out that I was married. We were on each other's FB until he deleted his account and we never once wrote mushy messages on each other's pages. And now that we are broken up, only a handful of my 300 plus friends know, and that's only because I told them myself.

So I have a few friends and a family member who like to post these "cryptic" messages which everyone gets, such as:

"What's love got to do with it?"


"What do you do when the one you love hurts you so badly?"


"Some motherfuckers just need to die!"

The relationship status change comes after the not so cryptic posts. In a relationship ----single-----in a complicated relationship-----in a relationship. These are like days or weeks apart. Now comes the mushy status updates that indicates they are back on the pole and in love again. All I can do is SMDH and say WTF???  Weren't you just broken up? Didn't he cheat on you? Why are y'all booed up again? And why are you hugging and smiling with the kids at Central Park Zoo? It's not cute. It's sickening. Grow a backbone and stand your ground! Stop putting up with bullshit all because you were afraid of being alone. I did for many years. But I never acted like we were all happy and in love. We all know that he cheated on you, or he hit you, or he was just a dirty lowlife bum. He will not change if you take him back. The only thing changing is your Facebook updates. If you think you are deceiving anyone it is only yourself. And please stop posting blow by blow accounts of your relationship. At the end of it all you just look like one big joke to the rest of us onlookers!

I almost forgot to mention the ones who go all out proclaiming their love for some guy they just happened to meet. Then all of a sudden they are in a relationship. Then they break up. Then give her a month or so and it's a new dude all over again. Really? Is it that necessary to tell the world that you're fucking? Because we know that being in a relationship these days entails fucking. So if you're with a new guy every month or so, how many dudes is that in a year? Seriously?

Facebook, SMH!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A Cum Too Quick Fix

So Monday I was having a super hectic stressful day at work. My phone was ringing off the hook. Married ex was calling. And after moving a few projects around I succumbed to an afternoon of adultery. I took an hour off from work to meet up with him for lunch and dessert. Of course, I did it in reverse order. Dessert first and lunch after. Now it always amazes me that no matter how busy he is, he can always make time for me. The man is an attorney and an elected official whose time is very limited, yet he took valuable vacation time to get the afternoon off for me. H.S.S. would not think of missing a day from work for anything other than debilitating illness.

So anyway, things were going well. We kissed. His lips are probably the softest I've ever kissed. Very meaty! We undressed and then he found his way into my crevice. He does not have length like H.S.S. does, but he does have a nice fat cock. So everything was going great. I felt my thighs tremble and I smiled in glee as he pounded away. It was going great for a hot minute or two until he started to slow down. He would thrust away then stop to kiss me, put me in a different position, or suck on my breasts and then moan that the pussy was so good and he didn't wanna cum yet. I was beginning to get agitated. My hips were beginning to get angry. After building me up and letting me down so frequently within the space of a few minutes, I thrashed my pelvis violently and it told him "you'd better not cum yet motherfucker. I am not done with you."

Too late.

He groaned so loudly as he shot his load. I wasted no time getting up from the scene of the disappointing crime. I was starving anyway, so after I got cleaned up and semi-dressed I downed the salad he brought me as he took calls from other politicians and was deep in discussion about the city's budget and an upcoming ethics case. I would have gone back for a second round, and so would he, if I didn't have to run back to work to finish up. He also had to leave to meet with a press associate who had called him earlier.

I left feeling far from satisfied. Most of my day's stress was gone, but I was in need. That night when I got home, my poor clit paid dearly as I mercilessly and unrelentingly pleasured myself numerous times. Now I realize why I find it so hard to let him go. He's reliable. If I call him for lunch, dinner, or just sex he always tries his best to make accommodations. But I cannot continue fucking him if the sex remains like this. He's gotten worse since he's gotten older. Ten years ago he was a long distance stud. Now?

It's sad, but I actually went on Google trying to find ways to help him to delay his ejaculation.

Stop & Go

I see some sites recommending what I hate oh so much. The stop and start. Of course they say you can keep your lady pleasured during one of your breaks. Please! I HATE it! Maybe if he fucked me with a dildo it wouldn't be so bad because all I wanna do is to be hammered til I cum.


PC muscles. They're not only found in women. Men have them too. He can train his dragon to keep the fire pent up if he learns to contract his muscles.

Pressure Treatment

To the perineum that is. The little area between the anus and the testicles. Some guys are squeamish about that. If he is kinky and loves to try new things he would actually enjoy this sensation.

Tug of War

Tug on his balls. Don't yank it like one of those old fashioned toilets. Gentle pull on his nuts. Some guys are scurred to have women pulling on their balls. Some  like it. Find out the temperament of your man before going for the 'nads. I usually shy away from it unless he asks me to.

Just Breathe

They say that controlling one's breath will help slow down ejaculation. Faster breathing tends to arouse one more. Well, duh! If you are thinking about how deep a breath you took your mind is not on the willy and you not only delay ejaculation, but also risk getting a flat tire.

Now, I doubt any of these techniques will change much between us. I kinda feel awkward talking to him about such sensitive matters but if he is gonna stay on the roll then he needs to be able to perform. What purpose does it serve to have an old faithful dog if he can't chase burglars away?

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Post Apocalypse State Of The Union Report

So I am here. We are all here it seems. But for a hot minute or twenty I thought I was in heaven as I rode my lover like a mechanical bull. He was over here late Friday night. Before we got intimate we had a very long talk about us.

Apparently, he was aware that our communication recently was not going well. He stated that his reason for misinterpreting me a lot lately is because he is simply exhausted and after a couple hours of sleep each night and working for weeks without a break his concentration is not there. He also pointed out some things that I tend to do during our conversation which drives him nuts. The fact that I am stubborn does not help the situation. I am a Taurus and that is our nature. When I have made up my mind about something it is hard for anyone to convince me otherwise. But I suppose from time to time I could concede and let him think he was right for once. I asked him if he noticed that  in the past few months I have not been arguing with him, just remaining silent as he would state his point of view. He insisted that it was worse for me to do that because we were supposed to be able to discuss anything like two mature adults, even if we did not see eye to eye. True.

In addition to my obstinate nature, he hates when I am vague with him and dislikes it when I do not open up to him. He tries to make conversation with me whenever he comes over, but I am always the one rushing to take the clothes off. I don't like talking about my parents or my job or my kids or my STBE while I am about to get my groove on. But, he is right. I cooould dedicate some time to getting all the formalities out the way. My friend said to me once that if I wanted him to be more than just a fuck, then I need to stop treating him like one. Well the thing is, sometimes I feel as if we are just fuck buddies. In response, I shut down in order to protect myself from being hurt by the fact that I want him and he does not want to be with me.

So, we discussed how we could communicate with each other better in the future. It was well needed. We have a meeting of the minds but not quite so for the heart. Of course his not wanting to commit to me came up during the course of our conversation. He said that he was having a hard enough time as it was making room for me in his hectic life. If he were to commit to a being in a relationship he would find himself constantly having to apologize to me and having to always make up for disappointing me. He is right. We were supposed to meet up on two occasions prior to this one and so this being the third time he went out of his way to come see me. If he did not make it I would get a serious attitude and probably ignore him for a while. I know. And he knows that too. Imagine being in a relationship where someone was mad at you all the time? Can't blame him at all.

So during our conversation I was massaging him and he returned the sentiment. I rubbed him down with my heated oil and tickled his sensual points with my peacock feather while he gave me some attention where I needed it. Before long he had me on top of him. Not where I wanted to be at that moment for I had other plans for him, but I couldn't resist the urge. All my senses awakened and as he entered my soul, I exited into him as well. We stared into each others eyes as I felt myself just losing control. I think every pore in my body must have been secreting my essence. I was going HAM on his dick and I was dripping in my own sweat to prove it. He noticed and asked me something in regards to my increased moisture, but I was too deep in ecstasy to reply. I fucked him like the world was about to end and I had a climax that rivaled the earthquake in Haiti. That must have been the catastrophic earthquake those Christian nuts predicted because as far as I know that was the only one I know of.

H.S.S. had this bewildered look on his face. Apparently we came in unison. He asked me: "What the hell did you just do?" He said he thought everything was going as it normally did, and had planned on putting me in a few positions before he came. But before he knew it I was having my monster orgasm and according to him he was overwhelmed by the sensations and couldn't help it when he came. He said: "I felt that."

I know he felt it because I felt it too. It's that inexplicable surge of energy that passes between two souls as the make a connection. In this case, a reconnection. Funny enough a portion of my horoscope for that week read:

"This weekend, however, meaningful and quite possibly enlightening connections are favored by the stars. Whether this bond is new or tried and true, it can lead amazing places for you now."

I felt our bond strengthen after our talk. I felt our hearts connect while we made love. I felt our love deepen when he grabbed me after sharing his thoughts, and kissed me hard like it was destined to be our last kiss on earth. Whether this will lead to amazing places for me now, I don't know. All I do know is that he flipped through the channels while I turned over and went to sleep, thinking that despite all that divinity that just occurred between us, he is still not mine.

Friday, May 20, 2011

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

So tomorrow, May 21, 2011, is projected to be the beginning of the rapture, with completion in October of this year. We all know it's a bunch of b.s. but since Bin Laden's death has become kinda stale news, we all are making this judgement day thing a big deal. I have partaken in ridiculous status updates on Facebook about this foolishness. And I even have H.S.S. scheduled to come over to give me some end of the world loving.

But seriously, doesn't this remind you of the Millenium? The big Y2K frenzy! Heck! This girl found her fornicating ass in church for the watch night service. First thing I did when I got home was turn on the PC to see if it was still working. AOL was up and running. The once annoying ping and ding of the modem was a refreshing sound to hear that night. Life was good. Nothing happened. Phew! We were indeed Y2K compliant.

As people rush to churches for emergency baptisms and all night prayer meetings (like my cousin), it just gives credence to the power that religion still has over all of us. From the confused atheist, to the Sunday Christians, and even the regular non-church-going heathens like myself. My mother once observed that all the neighbors on my street did not go to church on Sundays. I told her that I suppose we were all heathens. Now, I guess deep down most of us want to be G-O-D compliant.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sex and Wardrobe Selection

So right after my girlfriend was talking about her "freak 'em" dress I went shopping for a new pair of "fuck me" shoes. When I went out with H.S.S. I had a "wanna fuck?" outfit in mind, but because I was pissed at him I wore a "you know you want some of this but you ain't getting it" outfit.

Yes, we send subliminal messages with our clothing choices. Messages like:

 "I don't give a crap what anyone thinks. I wanna be original." - mismatched outdated clothing.


"I just wanna be comfortable today." - sweats and sneakers.


"I wanna blend in. I don't wanna be noticed." - something considered average and ordinary for whatever circumstance. Nowadays jeans and a shirt will cut it for either man or woman in a casual setting.

So yes, when we go to the clubs, to the restaurant, movies, or even stay in with our men we dress to communicate how we are feeling and how we want them to proceed with us. Whenever I did not wanna have sex, I would wear the largest underwear I could find and my STBE would assume that I was having my period. The last time H.S.S. slept over I wore a cotton bikini (which he still considered huge ) and he assumed that I was on the rag as well. LOL! Men use our clothing choices as cue cards telling them what their next line is in the act.

So my girlfriend's "freak 'em" dress would be a tight mini dress I assume. My "fuck me" shoes (or my "stripper shoes" as a girlfriend had teased once) are my stilettos, and not any ole stilettos. Usually black, not strappy, gladiator-like, spiked heels, and studded with rhinestones or silver spikes. My "wanna fuck" outfit is one which leaves the important parts visible or accessible. A short dress with no panty on or a deep cut shirt revealing cleavage would fall in that category. And finally, my "you know you want some of this but you ain't getting it" outfit that I wore had me covered up and looking very modest. I wore tight dark blue jeans, a black strapless top, and a khaki green military collar jacket. But of course I deliberately did not wear a bra so when H.S.S. saw my headlamps turned on he could not resist but to cop a feel. Of course that was all he could do because he wasn't getting any.

So in a nutshell, put some thought into what you wear. What message do you intend to send? Remember, there is such a thing as first impression, and you don't get a second chance at that. If you want someone to take you seriously when they first meet you, then dress like you do. Later on down the road in your relationship, you will know what your partner responds to and dress accordingly. If your partner is not responding to your subliminal messages then it is time to kick it up a notch and just have a serious talk about the state of your union.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Dis Puddy Be Yankin'

I hate that song. Lady's Southern twang is grating, never mind the monotonous, unoriginal, low budget video. But I love the lyrics. Hell yes! My pussy be yankin' too. OK, I don't like the word, it sounds.... ghetto. But she's got a point. If your crotch is hot you gotta let the world know. Right? * sarcastic smiley*

The blogs have been on fire about this one video for a while now. Most trashing her for bragging about her capabilities. So far I've only seen one kudos. But if your pussy be yankin' do you need to write songs about it? Hell no! Men do that shit. To me it's like an ad for a pro seeking new tricks. And by the way, I've never seen a pro put out an ad for a new trick. Sex is sex and men will get it from anyone, even if they pussy ain't yankin'.

So how do you know when your pussy is yankin'? Me personally, I've got some tricks that make men bust a nut too early in the game or end up with muscle spasms. H.S.S. knows my tactics so he tries to restrict me in awkward positions so that he remains in control of his nut. He won't even let me put it in. LOL! I've rode the hell outta dudes and broken beds. Last time I was with married ex I made his back go out. Luckily for him I keep extra strength ibuprofen on hand for this sorta thing so I gave him one and sent him on his merry way. But anyway, I could tell you to ride dick like a pro, do this, do that, but the act itself is not the main thing. The # 1 thing that gets guys off in bed is confidence. If you step up to the plate and stare the pitcher straight in the eye, you better come prepared to swing hard. If you get all lazy and inhibited, then of course the sex may not be enjoyable. The pussy may feel good physically, but you won't feel as good mentally, and that's what gets guys off. The mind. Work it!

But seriously though, I know my sexual prowess. I don't know how I would measure it against any other woman out there but I know my capabilities. I'd never meet a guy and tell him I'm good in bed. I'd let him find out for himself, much in the same way I wanna see what he's working with. Real women play coy and put on the too sweet to beat act. Then when they get on the pole they switch it up like the lovely Keisha morphing into a demon while on top of Loc Dog's dick in "Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood".  Be a lady, Lady.

Yes, I'm A Dick Snob!!!

I am an admitted dick snob. Size and girth are important to me, but I don't like to consider myself a size queen. The most important factor to me is the knowledge of how to wield that sword. I've had sexual relations with some monsters who had no clue how to use that thang other than to cause internal damage. Back in the day I was actually scared of H.S.S. because he is packing, but since he's gotten older he's learnt when to please me with gentle strokes and when to tear my ass up with brute force.

So now I have high expectations in the bedroom, and I can reciprocate as well. Old girl has some tricks up her sleeve. My STBE husband used to jokingly blame me for getting him off too quickly. Pity he didn't know it was because I wanted to get it over with. Wait, he DID know!

But yes, I will not deny that I am a dick snob. Most guys I've slept with in the past have never gotten past 3 fucks. If they have then it means that they are bringing their A game, or B+ game at minimal. Should I decide to increase my body count in the future I know for a fact that I will not stick around if the sex is lame.

My friend says that is why I will forever end up with dicks - because that is what seems to hold me in less than ideal relationships. I beg to disagree. Can't two people enjoy a good relationship both in and out of the bedroom? Can't you love someone who loves to fuck just as much as you do? I've had old flames who have been great in the sack and on the street. I am friends today with a few of them. Our relationships never made it due to distance or other external factors but they were in no way dicks towards me.

I am looking for the winning combination of a good dick and a great personality. I don't see anything wrong with that. I know it's a high standard to set, but if two people are not sexually compatible then it is bound to create friction in an otherwise harmonious relationship. If one is willing to work on that flaw in their relationship, then good for them. For me, I am just looking for a used car that runs like new. Not a lemon with a blown transmission that needs its engine rebuilt. So yes chica, I will carry on, and ride that stallion off into the sunset.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I Don't Know Why My Married Ex Called Me

Apparently someone searched Google for these keywords and it led them to my site. I know why *my* married ex calls me. I'm safe. He could fuck me and not worry about getting me pregnant or picking up some STD. Most of all, I am discrete. He never has to worry about me calling his wife or showing up at his house or his job with some drama. PS: I know his wife, have worked as his assistant once, and have been to his house, once. He claims he loves me. He may be fond of me, fond of the fact that our relationship has gone on this long. But love, that word is just thrown about too loosely these days. Oh yeah, he loves the pussy. That much I know.

Well, that was when we were hot and heavy. Since I have distanced myself from him he calls periodically, trying to feel me out and worm his way back into my heart and my panties. There is a post about our most recent encounter.

Anyway, Google can't answer that question for you. Only *you* know why your married ex calls you. Question is what *you* are gonna do when he calls. Hmmm....

The Heart Or The Head?

A friend of mine had this on her FB status today. Of course the bulk of us said head. We are, or try to be practical beings after all.

One friend posted:
"The head will make you miserable..."

Another replied:
"I'd rather deal with misery than treachery."

And so another posed this very important question:
"why is everyone saying their head and not their heart???? What's the benefit of one vs the other???"

  • Makes practical decisions.
  • All decisions are based on logic and not impulse or "it just feels right"
  • It often keeps you out of trouble and your heart from breaking into a million pieces

  • Makes a gorilla look like Halle Berry/ Morris Chestnut
  • Mistakes abusive behavior for love.
  • Cheating and disrespect become acceptable

OK, so I may be going overboard with this line of reasoning, but this is the logical person in me speaking. Let's be real here for a second: anyone who made decisions based solely on rationale would find themselves being bored, miserable, and unfulfilled. Decisions made with the heart often involve some risk taking. Some like the thrill of a new, exciting romance; not knowing where it would take them, but not caring one way or the othe,r and just living for the moment. 

The reasonable person in me would say, neither is better than the other, but we should always find a balance between the two. Take my situation with H.S.S. I know he does not want to commit right now, yet because I love him soooo much I am hanging in there and waiting him out, hoping that he will grow to trust me and make me his number only. 

My head says: "girl what are you crazy?!!"

My heart says: "he loves you and you love him and love will prevail."

What's between your head and your heart? Your throat, the house of your voice. And my voice is telling me to just take it easy, go with the flow, tread carefully, be wary of the red flags, but also to not close myself off from love. Using both your heart and your head is important. Your head will expect the worst, while your heart hopes for the best. Remaining grounded is key in navigating love.

Can Love Survive Crabiness?

"The strong Taurus and sophisticated Cancer can always make an interesting duo with a perfect blend of Earth and Water. As both of them share common interests and needs they are quite compatible, with Taurus a little more stubborn and Cancer a bit more moody, this can cause occasional tiffs but usually the association is peaceful." - from here

H.S.S. is a Cancer. The Crab. And he sure is crabby. I think his crabbiness was the main reason for our breakup back then. I could not deal with his moodiness as a teenager. At age something something I still have a hard time dealing with it. The one day I spent with him in his off cycle I wished it would end soon. I let the events of one day dictate how I was going to treat him from that point on.

My girlfriend mentioned a while back that he may be uncertain about my loyalty to him, which was why he was hesitant to commit to me. Coupled with the fact that he is distrustful in general, this does not make for a happy ending. He has made it clear to me that he has issues he needs to deal with, and does not think I can handle them. He may be right. At that point, I realized that it was better off this way. Us not being with each other.

But my friend made a comment that stuck with me about her own situation:

"To love him is to understand him, and to understand him is to love him."

I understand that H.S.S. is a Cancer. When he feels fearful, threatened, upset, agitated, he either retreats inside his shell for protection, or comes out snapping with both claws in defense. I see much of that with H.S.S.  CL Guy, the only other Cancer I have dated tends to retreat in his shell when he is overwhelmed with life: thus his going M.I.A. on me twice now.

But, I understand. I understand why this man is the way he is. He's dealt with a lot in his past, and is still dealing with a lot today. I love this man regardless of it. So me wanting to give up on him completely does not mesh with me trying to convince him that we belong together. Am I going to flee at the first sign of trouble? Probably. I did it before when we were kids. But I get it. Men want loyalty from their women. And if I stop talking to him because of one off day then what am I proving to him? The same thing he fears: that my affections are fleeting.

So after our weekend together I have not made any efforts to communicate with him. He called me at 11pm last night while I was sleeping. His voice was very pleasant, not how he sounded on Saturday. I asked him why he was calling so late. He said he was thinking about me and he just wanted to hear my voice. He explained that he knew he had an off-day when we were together and he wanted to make it up to me. He said there was something taking place and he would talk about it when he saw me. He then told me to look out for him on Thursday and Friday night, and that he wanted to spend the day with me on Saturday again. I said OK, he wished me a good night and good rest of the week, and I stayed up an hour after thinking "WTF"? The sudden switch in tempo caught me off guard. I was prepared to go weeks without speaking to this man but he picked up the phone and in his most soothing voice, he reassured me that he was still thinking about me. From this I know that our love can survive his moodiness, but first he has to put his claws down and come out of his shell and let me be there for him. Until then, things will remain as they are.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

"It's Not The Destination, So Much As The Journey"

I've got it all backwards don't I? But Captain Jack Sparrow is right.  Looking at life from a greater picture: we are born, we live, we die. We all die, that is our destiny. So it would make sense to enjoy life while you are still living it, no? That, my friends, is the approach I have taken

I spent almost the entire day with H.S.S. and I could not wait until it was over. He must have been on his male-cycle or something because he was just miserable! Our communication was just off. Simple things I would ask him, he misinterpreted. We went to go see a movie in the night but it was far from a romantic date. Even though he did cop a feel off my boobs twice, I felt like I was there by myself most of the time. And I guess my body language told him that I was not interested in him coming over last night so he did not. How is it that I had such a good time spending one hour with a man I have no intentions of being romantic with, versus a whole day with the love of my life?

So from here on, I am just trying to enjoy the journey, not caring too much about the destination. It does not seem likely at this point that we are going to end up together after all. At first I was gonna ignore his calls and texts altogether, but it seems as if he left his jacket here so I will have to see him at some point. Just gonna work on getting mine when I want, be it from him or a nice fellow that I will meet. And H.S.S. is gonna get the  piece of meat treatment because at this point, that is all he is capable of giving to me.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Wherefore Art Thou Prince Charming?

Move over Snow White, Cinderella, and all you fairy tale bitches. I mean, princesses. I want my Prince Charming too! Why can't I have some gallant knight stroll in and rescue me from an evil stepmother, two ugly step sisters, and a poisoned piece of fruit? OK, let's not be so extreme. I don't need rescuing. I would like a man. A charming man that is. A man who holds out doors, pulls out chairs, and never lets me ruin a good pair of shoes.

A girlfriend of mine was talking about the need for chivalry these days, and I agreed with her. The next man that comes along needs to be old school. Brings flowers on the first date, runs around to open the car door, and all that good stuff. I thought about it, and most men I've dated do open doors for me. I have never had one who opened the car door though. Also, I have never dated a man who goes dutch on a date. They all seem to wanna impress me and not look like a broke-ass even though they may be one.

But who am I kidding? In this day and age we now have what some people refer to as progressive dating. Both parties ask each other out on a date, open their own doors, pull out their own chairs, and pay their own tab. If I were to sit in a car waiting for a man to open the door he would probably wonder what the hell was wrong with me. Yet still, a girl can dream can't she? I am sure there is one man out there who will treat me like a princess. No, a queen! I see women I know who have some of the sweetest men you could find. They may look like a monkey's uncle but they worship the ground their ladies walk on. I want to be worshiped. I want to worship in return. No white stallion needed, just consideration, courtesy and respect!

The Date Promise

Thursday afternoon I got a sudden revelation:

"Why the heck am I waiting for this man to ask me out? I should ask a dude out!"

And so I did. I picked up the phone and texted a fellow I had on reserve since late last year. We were supposed to go for drinks back in October but never did due to whatever reason. He came to my New Year's Eve party but it was not a great venue for us to socialize properly. So as soon as I sent him the text I got a response. He wanted to go right at that moment. I was not prepared to go anywhere. You know, no matter how small the event is, us girls have to spend hours pruning and primping. OK, not all girls, but I do. I was just getting off work and I had a few tasks I had to get done anyway so I told him 8pm and he agreed.

So, how was it? We went to a sports bar nearby. I have never been there but decided that it will be on my list of regular spots in the future. I ordered an apple martini. He got 2 beers. We talked about our lives now, families, work, career, hobbies, current events, and of course took a trip down memory lane. He was a classmate of mine  back in college. He is a year younger than I am so back then I had absolutely no interest. Now he could definitely get it, but he is not relationship material as he is still has some maturing to do. (He's a gamer  )

But overall, I had a great time. He texted today to say that he had fun. I did too. Hope to see him again soon. We have a movie date in the works.

I then told myself, "See how easy that was ____? Hit a guy up on the regular and go out and do something fun!"

So this, my friends, is my new promise to myself. I will go out with a gentleman at least once a month. And no, I am not looking for Action Jackson. I am looking for an opportunity to hang out and chill with someone of the opposite sex in a totally platonic manner. I am going without expectations. I am not saying I wouldn't be tempted to get some, but I am controlling my urges and saying no to the D. At this point, I am merely wetting my feet and seeing what's out there. Call it a self-affirmation if you will. I am hot, in demand, and still desired. So if this one man does not want me, another one will. His loss is another man's gain. Time waits on no man, so why should I? Yes, H.S.S. is still in the back of my brain and the bottom of my heart, but until he says it's official, it's not.


I am a major believer in horoscopes. I don't take the daily ones word for word, but with regards to the character traits of the different zodiac signs, I am down. They have me down to a science, and I also find myself attracted to guys who I am supposedly compatible with according to the constellations. I am a Taurus.  Stubborn, patient, loyal, dependable, practical, persistent, determined, a homebody and  a lover of fine things. I am compatible with Capricorns, Pisces, Cancers, and Virgos.

H.S.S. - Cancer.
Second love - Virgo.
Married guy - Capricorn.
Other great lovers in my life - 2 were Capricorns, another 2 Pisces
Most recently, C.L. Guy was a Cancer and we got along great! Too bad he retreated in his shell which is so typical of Cancers. H.S.S. does it too when he is feeling wounded or upset about something beyond his control.

Of my romantic encounters that went horribly wrong or just didn't pan out:

My STBE - Gemini
Another Gemi-lie guy in the mix.
2 needy exes - Libras
I have a couple other sprinklings of non-compatible signs and those never went anywhere.

So it would seem that the stars are accurate as far as temperament and compatibility goes.

Now, I don't know which house my retrograde home planet is in and all that mumbo-jumbo but my stars must be in the right place. Since the past 2 weeks I have been the recipient of male attention. Attention from exes, and strangers alike. Even H.S.S. become a regular, and is requesting to see me midweek instead of the weekends per custom.

My married ex called me 2 nights ago to wish me a belated Mother's Day. I have not seen or heard from him since the funeral on April 1st. I will make a confession. I am going to disappoint a few people but I gave in the last time I saw him and allowed him to get close to me in the midst of our shared grief. I felt a numbness in me when we were alone. Not bitterness. Just a feeling of defeat. I am never going to get this guy out my system.

So he started out with the pleasantries, the usual chit chat about family, and work. Also, he ribbed me about my Celtics loss.  (Yes, I am a huge Celtics fan!).Then suddenly he turned the conversation over to me and my newfound singledom. He asked me how it was going. I told him I was great. He asked me if I ever got lonely. I said I did but I prefer being lonely over being unhappy. He then told me that all I had to do was call him and he would have found some time. My response to him was that I did not want his company because I don't believe he takes me seriously. He admitted he was a jerk for wanting me all to himself, and also that he is not a phone person, but it did not mean he did not love me. He reminded me that we've been seeing each other off and on for a decade, and stated that if he didn't care about me he would have actively pursued me during my marriage. I told him that I was trying to do the right thing then, and I am still trying to do so now. He said he admired that about me and even more attracted to me because of it. So then came the big question: "when can I come pick you up?" I told him I didn't know if that was possible and I got him off the phone.

Earlier on Monday I got this message from a male friend whom I have had no physical contact with but flirt with occasionally:

"...was just thinking of my tongue going up that skirt straight into your pussy while i finger your ass. I love ur legs, i can't wait to kiss them and put them on my shoulders while i force my cock in the hole i want to fuck so bad."

I was like "whoa!" I never expected that at all! Subtle flirting was all we ever did. This message shocked me to the core but I was and still am very aroused by it.

It's just been weird recently. I've also had a few instances of guys who I haven't spoken to in a long time suddenly hit me up. Or recently I would catch older married men staring me down and smiling at me, while with their wives I might add! So those are some of the things that have been going on in my world. I don't know what is going on for sure but my sexy meter has been turned up! The sudden increase in male attention has me pondering about this whole zodiac thing.

My yearly horoscope for this period reads:

"By the time your birthday rolls around, Venus will have blissfully entered her home turf in Taurus, assuring that you'll feel at your beautiful best. This also bodes wonderfully for attracting love and connection in the best of all possible ways. Make the most of late April and early May (your strongest Venus period) to get your beauty rituals on. When you look good, you feel irresistible so it's no wonder you are suddenly a date magnet this spring." 

My horoscope also said that this October should be the portion of the year when I should be ready for the real deal,as in, a full blown relationship. Ironically, it was the personal deadline I had already established for H.S.S. as it would make one year since our quasi-relationship began. Let's hope my horoscope holds true then.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Fly Mutha Chucka, Fly!!!

I stole this quip from my girlfriend who was referencing a status update by her ex. He had a status update, and I am not quoting verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: "I was born to fly...getting out of this damn cage". So my girlfriend in response says: "Fly muthafucker! Fly!" Love it! This is some gangsta shit so I gotta get gully with it and give it some gangsta treatment so excuse the lingo.

I love it. These R. Kelly dudes, with their "I believe I can fly" shit. Negro please! Even birds gotta land sometimes. Get your damn head out the clouds and come back to the ground where your ass belongs. Deal with real shit here on earth. My STBE wanted to fly (literally). He has an affinity for airplanes and wanted to become a pilot. But all he did was fly his ass straight out of this family. He ejected himself from this life we had built together as he was no longer part of the team. His parachute cannot open fully because of all the travails that plague him so now he has hit rock bottom, and hard. He is now a man without a house, or a wife and will miss out on the formative years of his children all because he could not toe the line. He was busy chasing material things, and I believe he was chasing skirt as well.  He forgot to stay grounded throughout our marriage so now he is permanently grounded. He thought he was the shit, now he is in deep shit.

These dudes walking around acting like "they so fly" irks me. The only fly they will ever come across is the one on their pants when they either take a piss or whip out their dicks to make some chick's life miserable. I was in the pharmacy today and saw this really attractive girl whispering to the pharmacist that she would like to purchase some Plan B. Now, I don't know the circumstances of her coochie breach but it does seem that she was at least being proactive about preventing an unwanted pregnancy (after the fact). Where was his ass though? The jizz spilling jerk? The only plan he was thinking of was probably Plan-C. Like "C-ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" I remember back in the day when H.S.S. and I had an accident once. The look of horror on his face was unforgettable. He went above and beyond, getting me to the doctor (because back in the days you had to get prescriptions for that shit). We were teenagers and as broke as a joke but he found the cash to get me those two little pills. He was there with me right through the whole thing. And even called me in the middle of the night, 12 hours later, to remind me to take the other dose. *memories*  That chick at CVS today shelled out $50 on her credit card. That's a lot for two little pills. That could put maybe a 3/4 tank of gas in my car. Where was the jizz spilling jerk?

I could go on and on about these "fly guys" but I regret that I am starting to sound like a bitter old shrew. So fly muthafuckas! Fly! One day you are gonna get burnt out and hit that pavement so hard. And who's gonna step over your carcass? The same chick you claim was keeping you caged or preventing you from being who you were meant to be. Turns out the only cage you were in was the one that you were keeping yourself mentally hostage in. In your pursuit of freedom you imprisoned yourself. Now your penance is the loss of what could have possibly been the greatest love of your life.

*getting off my soap box*

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day To Me Indeed!

Having my strawberries and eating it too. 
Yeah baby, life is gooood!
Two years ago on Mother's Day my STBE husband put a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me after his mother falsely accused me of cheating on him. Last year he said nothing to me, although he did buy a perfume set for MY mother. I can safely say that this year is probably the best mother's day I have had in these 4 plus years that I have been a mom. My day was largely uneventful but drama-free and what bliss it was!

The first year was not so bad. I was busy fussing over my newborn to notice anything. The second, I can't remember. Oh yes, I was pregnant, exhausted, and chasing around my older one while her dad was away for work. The third was when he put the knife to my throat. The fourth, I was in the kitchen with my mom cooking US a Mother's Day meal which HE came home all stank with smoke and gobbled up. Did I mention he did not wish me a Happy Mother's Day?

So this fifth Mother's Day was da bomb! (Do people still say that? hahaha!)  Last night I had shipped the girl's off to grandmother's house expecting to go out on a date with H.S.S.  Did I go? No. Not his fault, mine. He wanted us to catch a late movie but I was not feeling up to it as I have been taking a beating from these allergies and the Benadryl was making me sleepy. He said he was coming over to take care of me because I sounded like shit. (*sniff sniff swoon*) But your girl fell asleep when he was about to be on his way and missed his calls and texts. LOL!

So I woke up the next morning, feeling relaxed and rejuvenated, and not feeling the least bit bothered by my lack of sex. I made myself a delicious breakfast which I had in bed, tray and all. I was not sweating about my babies because they hooked me up with a lovely card they made and a plant. I wasn't even sweating my mom today because yesterday I gave her an early gift: flowers, mushy card, and a new cell phone. Then my nephews came over and I spent all afternoon cracking my whip as they mowed my overgrown lawn and washed my car. I made myself a banging dinner. Picked the kids up. I had just finished downing the stellar dinner and topped it off with dessert! You know I had me some chocolate covered strawberries, right? Mm mm mm....

I was feeling uber relaxed. Feeling good about how far I'd come in under a year. I was feeling really good. Until...the phone rings and it's him. My STBE husband. We talked for 30 minutes. The longest we've talked in a while. I haven't spoken to him in probably a month. He did his obligatory spiel to the girls about how much he loves them and missed them, then we did the requisite business chat. The current financial state of the household, and the role he can play to ease the burden off me. Of course I got the whole "wish I could do more" bit. Oh, he did wish me a Happy Mother's Day too. *smirk*

So don't ask me how we ended up in this topic of conversation, but we started talking about us. We talked about some of the things that went wrong and the very end of it all when he left our household. He wants to come back and asked me if I would consider letting him come back in the future. I did not answer him. I just told him that I am focusing on me and the kids right now, and trying to stay afloat. I told him that he and I didn't have to be together but we still need to be a team because we have 2 children that we share DNA with.

He wants to see me face to face so we can talk. I am not ready. Maybe when I file the divorce I will feel a sense of closure. I do expect some bitterness on his end but I really don't care. As I said before, I feel as if this is the best Mother's Day I've had so far. And it so happens that it coincides with his absence.

But despite the past events I feel really happy, blessed, loved, and grateful. I am grateful God gave me the opportunity to be a mom to my two girls. I may have my battle scars (stretch marks) and horrible memories of  miserable pregnancies and sleepless nights but it was so worth it. They give me courage each day to keep fighting in this war of survival. If it weren't for the love of my girls, I doubt I would want to find a real and meaningful love in my romantic life.  I am truly blessed. Happy Mother's Day to me indeed!

And a Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there. Especially to those of you who do so much with so little. Hats off to you ladies!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I Can Hear You Calling Me

So my boo is not a But he has been calling more often than he usually does. I don't call him unless it's for something mundane. And that is rare. He has been doing most of the calling between us and he has been doing it frequently. Usually, I would not hear from him until it was the weekend. Now, he calls twice a day sometimes. I think yesterday was the only day he missed and that's because he was sick.

I hate that I am trying to read into things and guess what motivates his actions, but I can safely say that a guy does not just happen to call a girl unless he is really into her. So I guess he must really be into me. The whole rubber band effect thing seems to be working out great!  Now if only I can seal the deal. Hmph!

Have We Been Laden?

When I started this blog, I tried to decide if I would do a mix of current events, since I am a news and sports buff. I decided to sway from that because this blog is all about moi and my pursuit of happiness. Narcissism anyone?

But I cannot ignore this current frenzy sweeping through our nation. This glee over the death of Osama Bin Laden. I cannot say I share in this fervor. I am happy he was found and can no longer spread his malicious hate, but this is only the beginning. His job is already done. He has sown seeds of hatred and in time these seeds will sprout into massive terrorist attacks.

I can remember exactly where I was when the first tower was hit. I remember my gut instinct. That was not an accident. Everyone was glued to the television. I saw confusion. Then the second plane hit. Panic. Terror. Fear. Chaos. This was an attack on our soil. Against our people. The administration shut the building down and everyone had to leave. I took the bus that morning so I did not have a vehicle. In addition, the buses had shut down too. As I said, there was utter panic and chaos. I walked all the way home with a group of people who were feeling just as confused as I was. We were probably wondering, what if the terrorists struck here? I was in the outskirts of a major city, not close to the financial center, but close enough to be afraid. But nothing happened. I remember keeping watch on the sky and feeling chills as airplanes whizzed above us.

I got home safely and immediately hit the phone up trying to reach my relatives in New York. Lines were down. I was in a state of worry for much of the day and well into the night until I heard that they were all OK. My aunt and uncle worked blocks away from the WTC and got split up. They were both covered in dust from head to toe I heard, but they made it out of the city safely with the aid of kind strangers who had pickup trucks, as the subways had been shut down.

My family was OK but the news of other friends who lost loved ones came pouring in. I don't think any of us can recover from the images of people who would rather jump several stories from a burning building than burn alive. The thud alone will forever stand out in my memory. And now, with the death of Bin Laden, I don't feel safe. I feel like my radar is up, waiting for the next big attack. Believe me, one is coming. And we don't even know what these terrorists will look like, or where they will come from. But I am here, waiting, and praying that my babies and my loved ones will be safe in the midst of all this chaos.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

This Woman's Worth

For my birthday, I had almost 100 friends wish me a happy birthday on Facebook. I had a handful send me greetings on the BBM. A few on the other messengers I log on to. Texts messages. Phone calls. Emails. But nothing from H.S.S. It was not until a few days after that I got a "sorry I missed your birthday but I was so busy" call. Yes, I was mad at him, but then checked myself real quickly on that. He is not my man and I cannot hold him to such standards. Nonetheless, I was still feeling bitter about it.

BUT, the fact that so many other people took time out of their busy schedules to acknowledge my existence showed me a lot. I matter. And I may be be nothing to one person, but many things to many others. I am a good mother, a good daughter, a good friend, and when given the opportunity I am a damn good lover. I pledged right there and then to never measure my worth in the eyes of any one person. I may have thought it before, but it has now become an affirmation.

Month End Round-Up

Yours truly has not been ignoring you all. I had a hectic week and it ended with a bang!

So, I had an awful week. The younger child was sick with the stomach flu and on Thursday night the older one caught the bug. I was feeling bummed out after being sleep deprived from the weekend before with my pre-birthday celebration, staying up all week with the younger child, and now the older child. My trip that was planned months ago with the gentleman friend was in jeopardy. Come hell or high water, I had to go. I needed to get away and step out of my zone. I needed some "me time". So I called up the outlaws and asked them to watch the girls for the weekend. They happily obliged.

Friday night as I was busy packing for my 4:30am road trip you-know-who called. Yes, H.S.S. called.  He wanted to see me before I left. I was feeling kind of bummed over our state of affairs throughout the week. A little sour if you will. I really was not up to it but I allowed him to come over on the condition that we weren't going to get busy. He agreed. Also,I was stuffed with the lobster and shrimp with strawberry shortcake that I had wolfed down for dinner. I splurged on the calories because I owed myself a birthday dinner. I worked 12 hours on my birthday so I did not get to celebrate at all that day. So yes, I was feeling too full for vigorous activity.

When he got here I had about 4 hours before I had to start my 2 and a half hour road trip. He had just gotten from work and was famished so he ate. We snuggled up and watched TV together. Of course my horny demon decided to rear its ugly head and I reached over to kiss him. He literally restrained me, telling me that he was going to abide by my original request and just cuddle. I was impressed. The time flew. Before I knew it, it was time for me to hit the road. He walked me out, carrying my overnight bag and wished me a safe trip as he kissed me goodbye and we parted ways.

I did not drive. I flew! My eyes were weary with sleep. I had to literally concentrate on keeping them open. The sun was nowhere in sight at 4:30am so it was really dark out. Fortunately, I bought a shot of 5 Hour Energy to prepare for such an event and I downed it and was on my way.

Got there early, checked in with the relatives to freshen up and take a tinkle, then the gentleman I would be spending the weekend with was there within minutes. It did not feel weird having left the arms of one man, entering the arms of another. He greeted me and was very appropriate with me as we rode down to where we would be staying for the weekend. I rode in luxury, sported in luxury, dined in luxury, partied in luxury, and slept in luxury. The whole weekend was just perfect! We met up with his friends, many of them I might add! I met so many great guys and a few girls as well.

I must mention that while I was with the gentleman, I will call him Mr. Norfolk, H.S.S. called me quite a few times. It was sweet at first when he called to make sure that I reached down safely. He then called me quite a few times after which was not his custom. Times when Mr. Norfolk's voice could be heard in the background, or the crowd in the stadium where we were. Inconvenient times. His voice was not as upbeat as usual. He sounded serious.  I am going to assume he may have been a bit jealous. He dared not oppose my trip although he knew I would be hanging with a mixture of men and women. I was prepared with a rebuttal of "you are not my man and we are not together so I can do whatever I please", but fortunately he was smart enough to not let it go down that path.

Anyhow, I got home in one piece, sexless for my birthday weekend, but feeling like I had the biggest orgasm of my life! I came back with renewed vigor, with a certainty. I want love. I deserve to be loved. I want his love. I cannot force him to give it to me, but I will not wait forever. I am giving him until the end of October, which will make one year since we have been intimate again. By then my divorce should also be final. At that point, he should be clear about his intentions with me, and I will be ready by then to move forward in my quest to find someone who wants to be with me. This past weekend helped light that spark in me.  Made me see the world above the rim of my glasses. H.S.S. is not the only man on the planet. There are many others out there, I just gotta get out there and meet them.