Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Can Love Survive Crabiness?

"The strong Taurus and sophisticated Cancer can always make an interesting duo with a perfect blend of Earth and Water. As both of them share common interests and needs they are quite compatible, with Taurus a little more stubborn and Cancer a bit more moody, this can cause occasional tiffs but usually the association is peaceful." - from here

H.S.S. is a Cancer. The Crab. And he sure is crabby. I think his crabbiness was the main reason for our breakup back then. I could not deal with his moodiness as a teenager. At age something something I still have a hard time dealing with it. The one day I spent with him in his off cycle I wished it would end soon. I let the events of one day dictate how I was going to treat him from that point on.

My girlfriend mentioned a while back that he may be uncertain about my loyalty to him, which was why he was hesitant to commit to me. Coupled with the fact that he is distrustful in general, this does not make for a happy ending. He has made it clear to me that he has issues he needs to deal with, and does not think I can handle them. He may be right. At that point, I realized that it was better off this way. Us not being with each other.

But my friend made a comment that stuck with me about her own situation:

"To love him is to understand him, and to understand him is to love him."

I understand that H.S.S. is a Cancer. When he feels fearful, threatened, upset, agitated, he either retreats inside his shell for protection, or comes out snapping with both claws in defense. I see much of that with H.S.S.  CL Guy, the only other Cancer I have dated tends to retreat in his shell when he is overwhelmed with life: thus his going M.I.A. on me twice now.

But, I understand. I understand why this man is the way he is. He's dealt with a lot in his past, and is still dealing with a lot today. I love this man regardless of it. So me wanting to give up on him completely does not mesh with me trying to convince him that we belong together. Am I going to flee at the first sign of trouble? Probably. I did it before when we were kids. But I get it. Men want loyalty from their women. And if I stop talking to him because of one off day then what am I proving to him? The same thing he fears: that my affections are fleeting.

So after our weekend together I have not made any efforts to communicate with him. He called me at 11pm last night while I was sleeping. His voice was very pleasant, not how he sounded on Saturday. I asked him why he was calling so late. He said he was thinking about me and he just wanted to hear my voice. He explained that he knew he had an off-day when we were together and he wanted to make it up to me. He said there was something taking place and he would talk about it when he saw me. He then told me to look out for him on Thursday and Friday night, and that he wanted to spend the day with me on Saturday again. I said OK, he wished me a good night and good rest of the week, and I stayed up an hour after thinking "WTF"? The sudden switch in tempo caught me off guard. I was prepared to go weeks without speaking to this man but he picked up the phone and in his most soothing voice, he reassured me that he was still thinking about me. From this I know that our love can survive his moodiness, but first he has to put his claws down and come out of his shell and let me be there for him. Until then, things will remain as they are.


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