He Wore Me Down

I've been having a great new year so far, socially at least. I've been out to eat and have drinks so much lately that I'm starting to feel fat! Friday night, I went out with my girl and my bro. Drinks, movies, more drinks, and dancing. By 2:30 AM I was done! I wanted to go to bed and smile in my sleep, after I put myself to sleep of course! I was feeling full and happy. But throughout the night the Aquarian kept texting that he wanted to see me. I showed the texts to my bro and asked him for advice on how to get rid of him. I mean, I've done everything I could to possible get rid of him. Not taking his calls. Telling him I've been seeing other men. Telling him to leave me alone. But no, this man wanted to see me so badly, by the end of the night after dancing and talking about sex with my friends, and being celibate for two months, this dude calls me and after saying some very effective words, he convinced me to let him come over.

I told him that my family was there even though they weren't so that I could get him out right after. I did not want to wake up to him in the morning and see the mistake I made staring at me, hoping to go for another round, and maybe get some breakfast. I opened the door and he kissed me so long and hard I had to struggle to free myself. The sex was, OK... I guess. I came. He did. And I got his ass out before the sun came up so it was a success.

So now I am back to square one. I want to get rid of him in the worst way. Since I've been keeping a lid on the vajayjay I've stumbled on a very wonderful thing, and it may be love but I am waiting to see how it develops before I spill the beans. I am very, very, happy  with the way things are going and can't wait for it to grow into something deep and meaningful. I'm just so ready for more. And I feel that leaving myself open for new opportunities is only possible if I close those other doors. And I am trying my endeavor best to do just that.


blkmsm@gmail.com

Happy Freaking New Year!!!

Thank G.O.D. 2011 is over! I mean, what a horrible year it was! Not just for me but many many others. In my neck of the woods we experienced every single natural disaster known to this region within a single year. Weather extremes. People going crazy I guess because of the shitty economy. And in my own life, I've weathered many personal storms as well.

Well, I'm still here! That is my one testimony for 2011. I am still here! Despite all the shit I been through, I've enjoyed some personal growth as I've had advancements in my career. Thanks to my significant weight loss I'm also physically healthier than say a year ago. I have a great feeling about this year. It's a new year, and I can't promise a new me but I promise it will be a better me. Already I feel myself receiving the benefits of some new positions I've already enacted at the latter part of last year.

I've been celibate for two months, by choice. I'm trying my best to keep my past relationships in the past and leave myself open for new and fruitful possibilities. Not saying that I don't miss getting physical but this time I've had to become retrospective and introspective has been great. I feel myself starting to heal. I don't break down any longer when I think of my failed relationships. I've taken things slowly with this man I was seeing recently and decided that it was not for me, and I feel fine with it. It just means another opportunity to go back in the dating pool and meet potentially wonderful men, one of whom will hopefully be "the one". As a matter of fact, I am currently speaking to a man who I've basically had a good feeling about since the first time he contacted me. Yes, we met online. I know I said I'd never do the online thing again but I just couldn't resist. It's like playing the lottery hoping that you hit the jackpot knowing damn well that your chances of doing so are slim to none. Anyway, I'm interested to see where this goes, and if it doesn't work out well then, you know there's plenty more fish in the sea!

Last night as I rang in the New Year in a club with my friends, I looked at the couples hugged up all around and I felt a slight twinge of envy. But you know, it was fleeting as I just enjoyed being in the company of a man and a woman whom I've been friends with for over a decade. I cherished the fact that despite all the years between us and the months we don't speak to each other, we still were as close as ever. I went home with a huge smile on my face and a warmness in my heart. Love as genuine as this makes the dimmest situations more bearable and I'm grateful to have that in my life.

Right now I'm just focused on being a better person. A better mom. A better friend. A better daughter. And I'm definitely intent on upping my money making game. I know many of you have similar goals, but let us not wait until the 31st of each year to decide that we need to make certain areas in our lives better. Start small. Think big! Much love to all of you for 2012!



blkmsm@gmail.com