WINNING!!! But Feeling Lost...

Homegirl is WINNING!!! Winning what exactly? Respect, admiration, and favor from the Boss Man. So this man and I have gotten closer in the past few weeks.  Much closer. Shortly after Thanksgiving, he entrusted me with the responsibility of coordinating a community event for the holidays.  I was flattered that he had considered me for the job and determined that this was an opportunity to showcase my talents as a super organized multitasker and event planner.  I was already used to planning small events in my circle, but never such as large scale.  I drafted letters soliciting donations from various businesses and thanks to my effective persuasive writing, I pulled in thousands for our event.  I was also able to secure entertainment of all kinds. I checked in with him, the Boss Man, on a daily basis, updating him on my progress and just happened to get a lot of one on one time with him as a result. We spent hours running errands together, making purchases and preparing for the big event.

Finally the day came where all my hard work would be revealed, and the result would be happy patrons, staff, and a happier Boss Man. The night after the event, we were doing some errands together, and he let me know then that he was very pleased with my work and told me that I did a very nice job and that he was pleasantly surprised. He even went as far as making a public acknowledgement of his gratitude in the cybersphere, referring to me as “tireless”. A testament to my hardworking character.  He also promised to take me shopping for a new phone as soon as time allowed, as my phone is currently on life support with its cracked screen and general wear and tear.

So, he says to me that I have become very useful and started making plans for us next year. I cut him off right there and tell him that I did not know about any next year. He playfully replied that he would simply find a replacement since I already laid out the foundation. We both knew that I was bullshitting about next year, and he was bullshitting about finding a replacement.  After all this, I am beginning to see that we really do work well together. I compliment him in areas he is lacking, and vice versa. He calls me whenever he wants an opinion or just needs to vent.  He’s been around the kids a lot more than before, in a VERY platonic manner of course, and it is kinda cute to see that awkward look on his face when he gets bombarded by little girls. Above all, we just vibe naturally. I feel a genuine friendship mixed with a strong attraction. I feel myself liking him more than I should.  I know that I could never fully have him.  He is a community man.  He is so preoccupied with giving to the community and putting on events that he can easily neglect those closest to him.  I know that no matter how close we become, or even if we were to become an official couple, I will never be first on his list of priorities. I know I could never truly be happy with him.

So now I am stuck with the decision of whether or not I want to continue like this with him. I feel myself wanting to withdraw. I want some time to pass between us before our next conversation so that when we do speak again, it would be like speaking to an acquaintance. But I know that this will not happen. I feel like somewhere, I have cemented myself in his thoughts, and maybe even his heart. It is evident in the way he looks at me, speaks to me, touches me, and calls me boo. I am lost.

blkmsm@gmail.com

The Greatest Lust Of All

I met this man on May 24, 2012 in a committee meeting I had attended. I sat across the table in the boardroom looking at his fine, sexy ass and thinking to myself right then and there that he could definitely get it. I did not think much of him other than the fact that I thought he was attractive and so I added him on Facebook when I saw his name pop up the following morning. We chatted briefly, about business, and I did not talk to him again until a few weeks later. It was all business then too. I did not speak to him at all for weeks at a time. I was busy with Splenda Daddy and The African so I really had no thought or desire to pursue anything, then all that turned around after he started reaching out to me.

I saw him again at another committee meeting. We did not speak then. It was the following morning when he contacted me on Facebook. We talked all business the Friday morning. Then business turned into casual, lighthearted messages. Then I began to work my wit as I enjoyed his humor. I went out that Friday night and had a wild night out with the girlfriends. I posted about it the following morning on Facebook then he surprisingly messaged me and asked me if I had a good time partying. The messages eventually became flirtatious and so I left him hanging. The conversations grew more and more as the weeks went by, with him asking me what my story was. I told him that he would need a kindle for my story. He insisted he was interested in knowing why I was single. I told him. Eventually I would learn his story too. Our conversations grew intense until I found myself inviting him into my bed one morning, but then reneging. He said I was a tease. I knew I was. He said he was patient. He would not have to be patient for long because by the end of July he was in my bed making me cum.

I told him he was in trouble because he would have to keep servicing me forever. We had sex twice after the first time within the space of two months. I wanted him, badly. But he was always so goddamn busy. He is a businessman, into entertainment and everything else he could get his hands on. Also, he holds a regular job, one he is been in for twenty years, as an IT Tech. The man is significantly older than I am. Found out for sure that he was 54 although he lied and told me he was 47. Regardless, he looks 15 years younger and has the vigor of a 30 year old man. I am infatuated with him. I have an overall admiration of his personality, and a deep sexual attraction that could only be compared to that of my high school ex. Our conversations can go on forever. Hours at a time granted we both have the time. Everything just flows so easily with him. Whether we're talking about business or pleasure, we always have pleasant conversations. In the 7 months I have known him, we have never had an argument. Disagreed, yes. But never argued. I have decided that I am never letting him go, and that I can never or will never be his woman.

He is a man who has professed to love his own space, and being able to move about as he pleases. I share the same sentiment in my relatively new singledom. Yet still, he has expressed a desire to enter a relationship as long as it was not restrictive. But the thought of us being together like that is distant for me. The main reason I would imagine is that he has a son who is a few months younger than I am. His very first of 3. He has introduced me to the other two who are significantly younger than the first, and by a different mother. I know that us being together would present some awkwardness where that was concerned. Also, we know many people in the same social circuit here, and I am absolutely certain that we would garner some rather suspicious looks if we were to come out officially as a couple. The main reason I know I could never be with him is the fact that I know I would never be happy. Yes, being financially comfortable would be a plus, and the lifestyle it would afford, but I will never truly have him to myself as he is someone who is constantly busy,and always giving his time and service to others.

I've decided that I want him in my life, permanently. Be it business, friendship, or as a lover, all three of which he is right now. He is a valuable asset and I would be a fool to let him go. Heck, because of him I began hosting an adult talk show at the radio station that he is part owner of. He has become my mentor of sorts, showing me the tools of the business, introducing me to new ideas, enabling me to meet people I would have never had the opportunity to.

I keep my feelings very guarded around him, and to some extent he does too, but it is highly evident that he appreciates me as he compliments me on my appearance or something work related he asked me to do and was pleased about. His confidence in my abilities has grown over the months to the point that he has asked me to coordinate major events. He has said to me that I keep impressing him more and more. And I intend to.

But business aside, I keep coming back to that carnal place where I want to devour him. I want to taste him, smell him, feel him. Over the weekend I reached my peak and decided that after our 3 months sex hiatus it was time for me to seduce him properly. He had been busy with a couple of shows he was promoting and running a new night club he got into, and all that time my needs have gone unmet, by him that is. I have been dating otherwise and getting it in, just not with him. No, just because I am in lust with the man doesn't mean I plan to shut it down just for him. I am sure he has gotten a piece here and there from someone else too. It does not bother me in the least, I just want to know that I have my sexy time on lock with him.

So I did what I did best and I got him in my bed and we stared into each other's eyes the entire time. I did not kiss him. He kissed me and played with my nipples in his mouth as he glided in and out of my very moist cavern. What it felt like, words can't describe, but we both came. He made mention of my trembling body,a sure sign that he had pleased me exactly like I needed him to. When he was leaving, I retreated into my shell of apathy, exuding nothing but a false appearance of a lack of desire for him, when inside I was burning with lust. I told him thank you for the sex and prepared to walk him to the door when he gave me that WTF look. He pulled me close to him, hugged me, and kissed me on the lips. I closed my eyes, but made sure I did not linger too long. What that meant, I don't know, but I have to wonder what must be going through his mind when he gave me that look.

He has said to me more than once that he was to be cherished and anyone who wanted his dick had to work hard for it. I've done quite an awesome job at making him feel like a piece of meat at times. The time before this when we had sex, I did not call him for two weeks. I texted very brief business related messages, but nothing flirtatious or intimate. Finally, two weeks later he caved and called me to say that I basically fucked him then avoided him. This time is no different. He was the first to call, and each time I have kept it short and business-like. I sense he craves intimacy, but I refuse to give it to a man I have to share. He wants me to inflate his ego and tell him how good he was last night, but I refuse to.

I don't know if I will ever drop my guard with him but I suppose it will depend on how much he drops with me. Until then, I will continue to enjoy what we have now, for as long as it keeps on going.We see each other at least once a week or every other week, and we are in touch on a regular basis. He sometimes stops by my house for whatever reason, and is acquainted with the kids, as my friend of course. I also have spent time with him at his place, and in a platonic manner also. We will see how far our relationship evolves, but I have a feeling that we only have much closer to get in the future. It is not very often that you meet someone who you are mutually attracted to, who shares the same values as you do, who you work so well with, and is so damn good in bed!

 By the way, he is WAY sexier than the man in the stock photo shown here.


blkmsm@gmail.com

Back to Africa

Some things never go away. The cockroach, the most disgusting pest of all time is over 200 million years old.  It has survived many natural and man made catastrophes to remain one of the most disgusting and annoying pests of all time. Not even dinosaurs, the dodo bird, and many other species of animals shared the same luck. Now, men can be equated to the cockroach. Some of them. Add some of them men I have dated in this list. The Aquarian can be one. And the African the other. Let's talk about the African though.

This man had disappeared into the unknown abyss after I told him in November of 2011 that I was depressed and I did not want to date him or anyone at that time. He agreed to grant me my space. He did so until June when he started calling me again. I was a lot happier than the last time we spoke and more agreeable to seeing him, and maybe seriously considering him for a potential boyfriend.

We went out and caught up a few times, and I began to discover little by little that he could grow on me. So one night he came over and we got physical. BTW I never had sex with him the first time around. It was OK but I would have enjoyed it more if he weren't as aggressive on my girls and he lasted longer. Gave him 2 more shots within the space of 3 months and I was equally disappointed. I eventually limited my calls to him. I was going through a difficult time in my life with my family and he did not make any attempts to call or see me. I confronted him about it after a month and a half and he claimed that he gathered that I needed space so he was giving it to me. I told him that he was way off base as I said nothing to him indicating such, so he should not make assumptions for me. Not to mention the growing awareness of his arrogance.

He was condescending, stuck up, and selfish. I checked him one day about his tone in an email he sent me. He apologized and I said nothing more. Our last argument was over him coming to see me before he leaves for his month long trip abroad. I told him I was available on one single day, a day he claimed he could not make available for me. I said fine. He then texted back to indicate that he had cleared his schedule and was available to see me after all. I said OK. I texted a couple of days before that I would not be able to get physical with him as I was on the rag. He was understandably disappointed but it was what happened after that pissed me the hell off.

He asked me what I suggested we do. I replied
"it's up to you hun."
He then asks why it was just up to him and if I wanted to see him, yes or no. I replied that we already had plans to make dinner together and watch football so I did not see the reason for him asking me for suggestions about what to do. He then claimed that he sensed an attitude. I said that if by attitude he meant my growing annoyance then yes, I was annoyed by his question. He then asked me to explain why and I did, mentioning the fact that I was on a short fuse because, yes, it's that time of the month. He then replied that it wasn't his fault I was on a short fuse so I shouldn't DARE do that with him! I was horrified at the response and decided right then and there that it was over.

I wanted to do it face to face, not on the phone or via text or email like most cowards these days do. Unfortunately, he has not made any time to see me before his trip and I will not be calling him, so when he returns next year he will find that I will be refusing his calls/texts/emails.

On to the next one!


blkmsm@gmail.com

Pure Splenda..No Sugar..SMDH!!!

So this guy had called me a few times. We chatted, we Skyped. He lived in a major city out of state, about 90 minutes north of me. I felt a connection growing with him. More of a friendship than anything. I liked that he was a positive man, with a renewing energy. The more I learnt about him, the more I liked him. Then the more I REALLY learnt is the more that he became disgusting and I began to despise him.

So anyhow, I met him in March I think from one of the premium dating sites I was on. I did not give him much play because:

1. He was black and I was and probably still am so over black men.
2. He was not attractive. He had a big bald head. He was skinny. And his teeth were running away from each other. OK, I exaggerate now because I cant stand his guts. But the brunt of what I am saying is that I was not attracted.
3. He lived too far away to develop something meaningful.

Anyway, a few messages back and forth resulted in me giving him my digits to text. I responded in short sentences and never texted him first. He always texted first. Usually with something along the lines of him not hearing for me and I should express equal interest in him to level the playing field somewhat. I did not. Weeks went by before I heard from him. He texted the day after my birthday when I was in bed at 2 in the afternoon sans hangover. I was just miserable and depressed. The night before, my girlfriends took me to dinner at my favorite sushi restaurant then dragged me to my favorite nightclub. I was miserable. I enjoyedbeign with my girls but I just wanted to go home and cry. By 1 am I decided I had enough and was ready to go. My girls pleaded with me to stay even afer my favorite song was being played. I couldn't. I stood out in the cold with the bouncer, this BIG black man who always steals a hug from me when I go there. Finally we left and I went in my bed. I slept and I cried. Then he called.

We talked for hours. His advice was refreshing and renewing and I felt like I could suddenly take on the world. We started talking more frequently until we decided a few weeks later to meet up. I was to go spend the night with him at his home. I decided to ride the bus instead of driving and so he picked me up at the station and we spent the night together at this restaurant. I thought we would have gone out and done something more fun but that did not happen. Instead, we went to his house and after I showered he was on top of me. I had no idea we would have wound up having sex but we did and he was blessed with an amazing dick. So huge I bled. He freaked out a bit about hurting me but I explained to him that it was ok and persuaded him to give me another round the following morning. That was the last time we fucked. I noticed shortly after that, that he would not kiss me on the lips. After that it was nothing but me giving him oral transactions, which I absolutely enjoy doing, but he was being selfish with his very nice schlong. He knew it too and asked if I believe he was selfish in bed. To that I replied "if you had to ask, you probably already know."

When confronted, he revealed to me that his life was too busy to complicate it with a relationship, which was why he did not want to kiss me, as if I would magically fall in love after (*rolls eyes*) and he would much rather be a benefactor and a recipient of pleasure. In essence, he said he wanted to be my sugar daddy. I was OK with it because to be honest, I decided that I did not want to get tied down in a relationship and I was on the prowl for some meat. So hey, if I am gonna put out I may as well benefit from it. Yes, I know it sounds hoish but I really didn't care. I have much less respect for women who engage in sex with multiple partners without benefiting. It may not be financial, but it has been a long held belief of mine that every woman should gain something from a relationship besides a nut. . 

So everything was going well. He got a new position at a firm here in my city and so he would spend the week in a suite then travel back home on Fridays. He would send me gift cards here and there. None greater than $25 for fucks sake! Then he asked me to send him a list of things I like. I didn't. He repeatedly requested that I did. And so I sent him a list. I am not a high maintenance woman, but I do like nice things. One of them was a Coach bag. I am a shameless Coach fiend. He was appalled at the cost of one bag, then asked about the cost of a wallet. I told him about $100. He nearly passed out. That turned me off right away. If a guy like him making over $100 G's a year could not gift me a Coach bag, something he asked to do, then no sir, he is not the one.

I tried to ride on the sugar train for as long as I could, meeting him for dinner and drinks at his suite then finishing him off with one of my trademark blowjobs. The little gifts kept coming but nothing on the list he asked me for. Finally one day I decided to up the ante. There was a dress I wanted to wear on stage at this major event I was on the committee for. It was a $90 Jessica Simpson dress at Macy's. $90 for crying out loud! I could have bought that with my own money if I wanted to. I went over there, did what I did best, then did not even hang around long enough for his cum to dry. I asked him for the money and he complained that he did not get a chance to go to the ATM. He pulled out $60 out his wallet. I was angry but at the same time, I was glad because now I realized that I HAD to get rid of his ass. Not to mention that I was working with a fine piece of meat that I had recently sampled and wanted desperately to go back for more. I took his $60 and spent $20 on an equally beautiful dress from my girlfriend's Ebay store.

I have not seen him since then. That was early August. He has texted me a few times but I told him I was going through some family drama, which I was. He texted a couple weeks ago asking if I wanted a roomate. I have not responded. Fuck him and his Splenda Daddy ass. If I am going to enter into an arrangement to please a man for compensation, he should come correctly. 100% PURE SUGAR, not the fake crap!

blkmsm@gmail.com