Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Not so Married. Not so Single. PT. 1

I've thought quite frequently that I should maybe start updating the blog again but my life has gotten ahold of me. I've grown even busier than I've been before. I'm much more vested in the new path that my life is taking. I must say however that I am finally in the end phase of my divorce, I've been in a new relationship for the past 6 months, and the Boss Man and I are no more. Well, we are "friends" if you want to call it that. Everything but sexually intimate. I'm ok with that. As a matter of fact, I'm for the better.

When Boss Man Met Boss Bitch

Everything was going great for a few months. He'd gone on vacation for a few days and he would call and check in. He even filled me in on some things I didn't care to know about. But regardless, it was clear that I never left his thoughts. He returned days later and found his way over my house. Exhausted. He couldn't even keep it up long enough to make me cum. But he was very tender. I actually felt like we were actually making love because he was so intent on kissing me and caressing me. Much more so than the usual. Needless to say I was left in a daze because I was not sure what had taken place. He grabbed me from behind when I was showing me out and kissed me on my neck. More affectionate than he usually was and I wondered WTF was going on.

Weeks later I called him several times asking him to come over and make up for his shortcomings. I was furnished with excuse after excuse. For a whole month I decided not to bother him as I had my number two on reserve, ready to run out on the field when the quarterback wasn't playing right. Sure he scored a couple touchdowns but it was nothing more than that. It got to a point where he would even spend the night and we would...*gasp*...cuddle. I guess shit got too real for both of us and I laid off calling him to smash and he would get increasingly busy at work. I'd chide him for giving me tired sex but then he would retort saying that I could always find someone else.

I very well could but decided it was just not worth the headache. I had a very brief fling with a man in between number 1 and 2. After a couple of dates and several rounds of BOMB SEX I found out later on that he was married. He has not been in good graces with me since then and never will. I don't like liars. All it takes is once and I am done. He would call me for several months after and I would tell him to go to hell which he would but refused to stay there permanently and would perpetually resurface.

So summer is coming to an end and so is my sexual relationship with the Boss Man. We did hook up a couple times towards the end. We even worked on a huge project in August and we were in regular contact. So much so that he became overbearing at times. But we did what we had to do despite the fact that I felt something was wrong.

Summer ends and I saw him at an outdoor party with a girl I had long suspected him of being involved with. I decided at that point I was ready to move on but about a month or so later he found his way back in my life and got involved with this solo project I was working on. I invited him back to my place that night after my successful show and he didn't come. A week later I saw him trying to avoid me at a concert I was working at in NY. He was there with another woman. I did not see who it was neither did I care because I was truly done with him at that point. I hurt deeply but I had started to move on, and move on I did.

Since then I have not communicated with him outside of business matters. I have not invited him over. I have not even given him the silent treatment but remained rather aloof towards him. In fact, he would call, text, or I.M. if too many days went by without contact. Also, he would make rude comments about my supposed sexual activity, particularly when I would travel, which I sure as hell did due to the dramatic changes in my life. It just killed him to not be in the know, to not have a clue as to what I was up to, especially when it came down to who was now having me the way he once had me.

I decided I was worth more than what he was capable of giving which was not much. We've had a few spats regarding my career and his ego, but beneath that all I see a man who loved me in his own way but not enough the way I needed him to. He was and has always been there for me despite. Whether it was a domestic disaster or a financial matter or when my father died, he was there. This past Christmas I coordinated our annual Christmas event. He was pleased with the job I did he brought me a catalog from Macy's and asked me to pick out a watch as my gift. I did not see one I liked and I really did not want it. But the gesture said a lot about how he held me in high regard. At our company meeting in January he publicly acknowledged this and asked my co-workers to thank me with applause. I was moved by it.  Knowing the kind of man he is, he is not going anywhere. I have never been fucked up to him regardless. I've always shown him acts of kindness and appreciation because he's always going to be that kind of friend to me. But romantically, I've let go of any notion that it could have been more than what it was. He just wasn't capable and I knew it from the day I first saw him that I just would not have been happy with him.

Live my life? Yes I did! Happy? Sure as hell am. Why? Part two...