Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Want You But Don't Need You

Ne-Yo said it:
"ooh its somethin about
kinda woman that want you but dont need you
hey i cant figure it out
there's something about her"

The brother ain't lying. Men like that aura. The aura of a woman who is obviously into them but not so much that he becomes her oxygen. Too often we as women give our men so much attention that they take advantage of our affections and begin to slack off on returning the favor. Many times too the men we shower with our attention don't even deserve it. 

We need to grasp the concept of "Miss Independent".  Not only that we can do for ourselves, but we need to show our men that we love them and we want them, but also that they are not indispensable. I think this is where I went wrong with H.S.S.  As soon as he thought that the danger of me seeing someone else had passed he began to slack off on the things he did earlier on in our (quasi) relationship.

All afternoon yesterday I had been laid up in bed, crippled with my thoughts, wondering how I allowed myself to get to this point. I felt as if I had lost a child! I forced myself to take stock of my life: where I had come from and where I am right now.  I realized that I had a lot going for me.

At the beginning of this blog I had mentioned that I was broke and underemployed. Within the past month or so I have been promoted at my job and making much more than I was before. Yes, I am still playing catch up on my bills but I am on my way to clearing my debt. 

My STBE left me in a huge financial mess, but still I have to admit that he had set me up pretty well. Thanks to him I own my home, I drive a $40K vehicle, and I have two undeniably beautiful children. 

I am college educated and have aspirations to resume my graduate studies once I have stabilized myself. I can hold an intelligent conversation because I am a perpetual student. I keep myself abreast on current affairs. This chick is not a dumb broad.

Also, I am not your runway model type of beautiful but I am gorgeous. Recently I have lost 30 lbs and still have some way to go, but I couldn't help but notice that I was getting more attention from the opposite sex. Most recently I had been hit on by two old white men. I wondered briefly if any of them were up to being my sugar daddy. LOL! I kid! 

But yes, after doing some assessment I realize that I've got it going on, and any man who is not secure in himself would have a hard time dealing with a "Miss Independent" like me. A man wants to provide for his woman, to give her all her heart's desires provided that he can afford it, and ultimately make her happy. If a man like my H.S.S. is incapable of doing that right now he is not going to pursue a committed relationship until he can outdo what any other man in her life has done. 

I've pretty much got it made where all I need from a man right now is company, sex, and the occasional odd job around the house. H.S.S. has pretty much done that for me and more but he is still not content. That is not sufficient for him so he is unwilling to step out of the booty call with benefits role and be my man once again.

It's all good though. I want him, but I don't need him. I remember writing that in my diary back in the day when we were having our troubles and I was considering breaking up with him. It still holds true to this day. Any man who is going to come knocking at my door has got to come hard, because I have so much to offer. But I can only give so much if I get so much.


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