Saturday, April 16, 2011

The Rubber Band Effect

This image is so not representing exactly what I intended 
to portray but it was as funny as hell! LOL!
I've been spying this month's Cosmo for a few days and I finally picked it up on Thursday. Got the opportunity to read it last night. The article that interested me so much is "Your Secret Love Weapon". It talks about moments in relationships when guys tend to back away from you and how you can remedy this.

The key is what I have been discussing here in recent times: simply giving him space. Space to want you, space to miss you, space to seek you. They call this the rubber band effect. Two people in a meaningful relationship (which is the rubber band around them) who pull away from each other periodically, are bound to bounce right back into each other.

I have done so with my H.S.S.  I haven't called him, texted him, emailed him, or visited him. I have immersed myself into my work and my family. I have become busy once again, like I was in the beginning of our reunion. So I tell my girlfriend, (who I jokingly call my significant other due to the fact that we speak to each other first thing in the morning and last thing at night), that I was pretty certain I would hear from him today. I know him. I know how this thing works. Stop paying attention to him and he is all up in your grill.

So lo and behold he texts:

Good afternoon, how r u? Haven't heard from u in a while

How freaking predictable! Cosmo hit the nail on the head with this one. Here is a condensed version of the article.

"Guys need time apart to test and whether being with a particular woman is really what they want they want, whereas women try to spend even more time as a couple to figure out if they’re compatible with that guy." - Denise Budden Potts, PhD ( Psychologist)
“It’s called mate-value economic…Women who are too easy to attract are perceived as less desirable” – David Buss, PhD (Evolutionary psychology researcher and professor at University of Texas at Austin
(After spending time apart) “…When he initiates coupley one-on-one time, you know for sure it’s because he’s ready, not because he feels obligated.” – Daniel Ellensberg, PhD (Relationship Expert)
         “When it comes to couple time, you want quality, not quantity… If you have been happily occupied 
          and he’s had a chance to miss you, being together will feel as exciting and fulfilling as when you 
          first met.” - Denise Budden Potts, PhD ( Psychologist)

In a nutshell, it emphasizes the need for space that guys inherently have. They are hunters by nature. If we don't give them the space to hunt us from time to time they will get bored and shut down. I've seen it happen with H.S.S. My girl has seen it happen with her love interest.

So my boo is missing me and wants to spend some quality time with me. Of course he misses the loving as well, but my presence in his life has been suddenly limited. Right now, I am undecided as to whether or not I will let him come over as I am dog tired, but I will admit I miss him terribly. Him and his oh so perfect dick!

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