Sunday, April 17, 2011

I Have Set A Date!

So I was planning to do it sooner, like 6 months after  our separation. He is residing in the Midwest now so I decided to wait until he settles down back here on the East Coast.

It will be painful. I can see it already. He still has his eyes set on us being a family once again. Recently he made an offer to finance my graduate studies. I have not accepted. He still feels like it is his responsibility. It is not. We are no longer a family unit. We were not a family unit long before he left.

So recently I was speaking to a male friend of mine about the situation and he pretty much told me to gear up for some negative backlash. Given the fact that he wanted to reconcile and I did not, there is bound to be some hurt feelings flying around. Also, the fact that I will retain all the assets and leave him with nothing but the clothes on his back and maybe his 37" LCD that is in the bedroom is bound to cause animosity. If his dragon of a mother wants back any of the pieces of furniture that she gave us when we got married then she is more than welcome to take them. I will not let material things get in the way. But I am not giving up the house as this is our home. He may have fronted most of the cash but I put my heart and my soul into this house. Our children were born here and this house will be theirs when I am gone.

As to the custody of the children, that is a moot point. This is their home and this is where they will reside. If he should relocate back to the area then he can see them on the weekends and during the week too if they have no scheduled activities. Child support I will not file for if I do not have to. I do not believe I should have to tell a man that his children need certain things in order to thrive.

I will not use the children as leverage against him. No matter how bad our relationship was, I will not prevent him from being a father to his children. My instincts tell me that he will reveal his true colors eventually and they will feel indifferent about his presence in their lives but that is much later on.

So the first step is filing that paperwork. I am going to get in touch with my lawyer soon and begin to strategize what course of action we are going to take and how we are going to execute this. I have to do this for many reasons. Financial, spiritual, emotional. I also believe that once I close this chapter of my life, I can open new doors. Who knows, maybe my being legally married is what's keeping H.S.S. from saying yes to committing out of fear that I might decide to reconcile. I can't deny that I have thought about doing so, but I get jolted back to reality pretty quickly when I remember all the turmoil I went through.

I also wonder what will happen after the divorce. Like this blog for example. I won't be a married single mom anymore. A title change is definitely in the forecast!

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