Thursday, April 14, 2011

It's Been Weighing On My Mind

So I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past few months. I am happy. I needed to lose it. I have high blood pressure and studies show that maintaining a normal weight makes one less prone to diseases such as this. Most of my weight I had gained during my relationship with my STBE husband. Then there was the freshman 10. I made up my mind that I am going for broke and losing it all. I want to get back to my high school skinny.

At this point I have been complimented on what I have achieved so far. I am halfway there. I have gone from a size 14/16 to a size 10/12. I expect by the end of this year I will be at my goal weight and dress size which is a 5/6. I thought that I would have felt happier than I am right now, but I am feeling some ambivalence.

My mother opposes my new weight loss goals. She has not come out and said so, but it is evident that she does. Whenever she is here, she cooks the most unhealthy foods she could possibly find. She even cooks things that she does not eat but I do, knowing full and well that I am watching my caloric intake. While she was here my weight went up and down. Since she has been gone I have lost quite a few pounds without even working out. While she was here I had to schedule a few sessions of the P90X to burn off her calories and then some. I do not know if my weight loss challenges her to get off her butt and do something about her own weight issues, but she made sure that she made every tempting food she could think of to slow me down.

H.S.S. has also made remarks about my weight loss. In the beginning he would marvel that every time he saw me I looked slimmer. Then the last few times we were together he would tell me that I was losing too much weight and I needed to eat more. The last time he slept over, after having sex he actually went outside and brought some food from his SUV that he bought at Ihop's earlier and offered it to me. I wanted to decline, as it was like 3am, but I accepted and took 2 bites and gave it back to him. He frowned at me and complained that I did not eat anything. LOL!

The straw that broke the camel's back was this morning. I dropped my older child off at school this morning and one of her teachers who hasn't seen me for months said to me that I was "wasting away". I laughed and told her that I was. In hindsight, I should have just told her that I was working out and eating healthier, but I didn't as I jetted out of there as fast as I could.

I feel empowered by my ability to take my life in my own hands and get it back in my control, but at the same time, I feel saddened by the fact that two of the people closest to me, and others in my social circle seem to not support my decision. Maybe they are unaware of the way they come off but I still feel the way I do, and it sucks because I should be excited.

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