Thursday, March 31, 2011

This Will Not End Well

Yes, as the image suggests he is of a lighter persuasion. 
Well, half German half Black but looks more white than he does black.
 Is it possible to get your swirl on with already swirled coffee? LOL!
So if you have been following, you should be somewhat familiar with the guy I met on Craigslist. We have been in regular contact since he texted me about 2 weeks ago. It has been going great. He's really forced his presence on me. And I love it. He sends me a text every morning. He checks on me periodically throughout the day. And we have seen each other twice.

He is a pretty laid back guy. Very gentle, caring, not afraid to show his sensitive side. He's really tall at 6'4. Brown hair, beautiful hazel eyes. Truly, if my heart was not already tied up in my own mess I could see myself falling for this guy. He has a great job. He has two boys who are about the same gap in age as my girls. He's a Cancer like H.S.S. He's spiritual but not religious like myself. He reads. He likes jazz. He likes me.

The day I went to the doctor's for my high blood pressure he was in contact with me all day trying to find out my progress and even offrered to be with me if they admitted me to the ER. I went home and he wanted to see me. I did not want him at my home around my kids and he understood so we met up at a pool hall near my house. It was quiet in there so we sat by the bar and he ordered drinks while I had just water with a wedge of lemon and talked for about an hour.

This past Sunday he came over at my very reluctant invitation. We watched college basketball together that afternoon and he was a perfect gentleman. He brought over some wine at my request and I made us some game time food. We were not intimate but did cuddle, which I must admit took a great deal of strength for me. As I have mentioned before, I have intimacy issues and it was my H.S.S. who first made me aware and tried to coax me out of it.  CL Guy didn't even try to play tonsil hockey with me. Just a quick peck on the lips if I allowed him.

I see this guy possibly falling for me. I see myself basking in his affections but not reciprocating because my heart is elsewhere. I cannot be intimate with him because he does not appear to be the type who will be satisfied with being just a booty call. I made him know from the get -go that I was not interested in a committed relationship as I was fresh out of a bad marriage. He said the same. He said he didn't mind if I saw other people but his pressing need to be with me is becoming an issue. He wants me to meet him down at the coast this weekend. He is down there for a business conference. I couldn't have gone anyway, but I don't want to.

I asked my girl today for advice on how to break things off with him. I really like him. I just can't be with him. He would be like a rebound for me. He is a great guy but I feel as if I would be settling instead of waiting for the next best thing to come along, or even working with the best thing I have going on in my life right now which is my love for my H.S.S. It wouldn't be fair to him. I don't want to hurt him but I know already that this will not end well.

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