Thursday, March 31, 2011

Patience Is A Virtue

And a virtuous woman I am not . It has been ten days since I revealed my newfound desires to H.S.S.  He was supposed to come over last weekend but ended up doing a 12 hour shift then on his way to me he almost ran off the road. He sent me a text after telling me that he scratched his bumper but was ok considering what almost happened. He also said he did not feel like talking at that point and he was going to go sleep it off.

This was at 1:30am. I called him twice and he sent the calls to voicemail. He then sent me a text that he was not blaming me but he just needed to sleep it off. I was fuming. I was not going to bug him about not seeing me. I just wanted to know the details of what happened and if he was ok.

The following afternoon I received a text telling me that he was sorry if he appeared to be rude but he was shook up and in a bad mood after his near accident. I told him that I was sorry for placing unrealistic expectations on him and it would not happen again. He replied saying that he did not think they were unrealistic. I was still pissed at the way he handled the situation and did not pursue a conversation with him.

The days wore on without either of us communicating with the other and it was driving me crazy! I wondered if he suddenly got cold feet about being with me and was slowly easing his way out. I drove my girlfriend crazy with my what-ifs and my insecurities. She kept encouraging me to call him or text him, and to be patient. So finally, in the middle of the week I decided to end the stand off. At about 7am I sent him a text asking him how he was and telling him how I was, (which was not great!). No response.

My patience with this man was growing increasingly thin. I said to my girl that I was done. I was gonna do me. Ha! She said I was supposed to call him. Finally, later on that night I did. Got him but I caught him at a bad time. Then finally it occurred to me that he probably thought I was just calling him about the D. I realized that we haven't gone out together all winter. He had mentioned a few times that he thinks I only called him on the weekends when I want some loving. which to an extent was true. But I am busy during the week and so is he, so I don't like to bother him. A light bulb went off in my head that I needed to prove to him that he is not just a f*** to me. Also, I realized that we needed to be in a neutral setting so he would not have any anxiety about pleasing me in bed (or on counter) every time we are together. So I "manned up" and sent him a text asking him if he was free on Saturday evening because I wanted to take him out on a date. His response:

What time?

I was on the phone with CL Guy (*sigh*) for nearly an hour before I realized that he had replied. As a matter of fact, he called before I got a chance to see the text. We spent a good chunk of time on the phone talking about our lives within the past few days when the topic of our date finally came up. He was actually excited to go. I told him I was taking him bowling. Asked him if he was any good and he said no. I said, "good, at least I can beat your ass in something."

He laughed. I told him that I just wanted to hear his voice and make sure that he was ok. I also chided him for not dropping a line here and there. His response was that he owed me more than a line. I ended the conversation with him without mentioning anything about our talk or the status of our relationship. I did not need to. I see I have alot of work ahead of me. He is insecure about a lot of things and if I am going to be his number only I am going to have to work on my part to make him secure in me, us. The same way he needs to convince me that he wants to be my number only. Until then I will not close myself off from any opportunities that may come along. The thing is, it takes a lot of time and patience trying to reassure someone. Sadly, patience just happens to be a virtue that I lack.

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