Friday, July 29, 2011

The Trouble With Open Relationships

I thought that was the answer. To have a honest, open relationship. No sneaking around. Sex on demand, with whomever we consented to. Fine. Then why is it so hard?

I find myself already being challenged with situations that bring about pangs of jealousy. Why? It's stupid I know, but it boils down to my own insecurities. I am not jealous. Jealousy is a culmination of other emotions. So is anger. I am none of those things. I am mostly fearful that his feelings for me are waning, even though I know that is not the truth. I am afraid that he has been lying to me and toying with me, which again I know is not true as he has been consistent up to this point. I am worried about him chasing some tail while I have dicks being thrown in my face, literally, but I have not taken advantage. My friend said that was the problem. I needed to stop being closed and become more open. I did not see the need to see anyone else initially

So yes, I have the option of being with more than one person. But really, I don't want to see anyone else. All I really want to do is enjoy him, and his company. Unfortunately, due to our busy schedules we have not been able to see each other. We make plans and something always comes up. It is a problem in any relationship, but it is more so a problem in an open relationship. I don't know what is going on with him, and even though I know it is not necessarily so, that little birdie in my ear is telling me that he is with someone else.

Then most recently something, though I am not sure exactly what it is, has been going on with him. We have not been communicating as we normally do, which is very unlike him,  so I am clueless. And this has done nothing but heighten my insecurities which where there from the beginning anyway.

So with all things in consideration, I have decided that I do not have the emotional fortitude to maintain a relationship of this type. This is not for me. And so I have come to the conclusion that I am done with The Aquarian. No negative feelings or ill will involved.

I think all I want now is what I have always wanted: good sex on the regular and occasional companionship. On to the next one.

1 comment:

  1. SO true and I am not for the "open relationships". At least, in my life.

    Kimberly, FWB