Sunday, October 9, 2011

What A Mess With HSS!!!

I don't even know what to say about him. I pretty much gave him an ultimatum and that ended the physical relationship for us. He has tried to holla after that but I have moved on beyond the booty call with benefits stage with him. I mean, a set up like that can only work if you are getting the booty after you call right? Unfortunately, that has not been the case for us.

So the last time I posted about us being intimate was the last time we were intimate. He has tried to come see me a few times after that but was always too tired or caught up in something else. After my brief fling with the Aquarian I had basically decided that I was on no uncertain terms going to ever lock down for a man who was not mine ever again. So after getting frustrated with HSS on Labor Day weekend I sent him a text saying that I wanted to see him on a certain night and if he did not show up I would know that he really has no desire to be with me and he would not hear from me for a very long time. Two days later he called asking me what the hell kind of threat was that. I told him I do not make threats, I simply let him know what time it was. I was getting frustrated with being put on the back burner. I am a single parent and my time is very limited, yet still if I find someone worthy of my time I will make arrangements to be with them. I have done so on numerous occasion for him, so I do not see why he could not do the same for me every so often.

I hung up on him after telling him bye in an acidic manner. Two weeks later he texted me in the midnight hours. I did not respond. That following morning he texted back and asked me how comes I did not respond to his texts. I told him I was busy. He called me the following Sunday but I was working a concert so again, I told him I was busy. He has not called me since. Now, I hope he sees what it is like when the shoe is on the other foot.

Make no mistake, I love this guy very much. Yes, he has issues, and yes, so do I . But my issues have never stopped me from loving him the best way I could. And now, I just want to be loved. I told him this in one of our conversations prior to me giving him the ultimatum. I do not want to be alone. I do not want to be dating a million guys. Yes, I am enjoying the attention and regular sex, but at the end of the day I want a man. I want someone to cook for, dress up for, and cater to in every other way possible as he mows the damn lawn, cleans the gutters, takes my car to the shop, and shows my girls what a good husband and father looks like. I cannot do it all by myself, and I am tired of doing it all by myself.

So now that I know what I want it becomes more obvious to me that he does not want the same, and so I am slowly healing and moving on. I'm really proud of myself for not caving and calling him over on those nights when I needed some but because my current lover lives far away I could not get any. Believe me, I've driven past his exit a number of times wanting to pass by his place but never have.

Saw this on my girl's FB and it rang so true:

"If he misses you, he'll call. If he wants you, he'll say it. And if he cares, he'll show it. If not, he can't be worth your time because you're obviously not worth his. "

So that's where I am at folks. Waiting to see who misses me and who cares about me enough to show it. I have my eyes on a bigger prize now and I am praying that a job transfer here will bring us together!

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