3 Ruinous Things That Have Killed Dating Etiquette

A FB friend posted a status today that garnered a whopping 102 comments. His status read:


I am at a loss, but where does it state that a man is obliged to give a woman money? Our society is really messed up and I know many a females will see this, read it and think, "He's cheap if he doesn't" But there is no rule or law that says he has to. Our women are being grossly misinformed here.

My lengthy reply was:

Here's the crux of the matter...no matter what we wanna tell ourselves, men and women were not created equally...the feminist movement has denigrated womanhood to an extent and men no longer behave like gentlemen because of it. Women are more sexually liberal than times past, more educated, and financially independent, but all that has done has made it ok for *men* to slack off in their duties, shirking certain responsibilities, and regarding women who expect men to take care of them as gold diggers.

Mr X, to your original question: a man should not feel obligated to give a woman money, but if it is a woman worth having and a woman you want to build a life with then money should be no issue. You should want to give her your last dime if it boiled down to that. If he marries her then it is his responsibility to provide for his family. No woman wants to marry a broke ass man and that is a fact. My ex husband is probably hating my guts right now cuz I got the house and the SUV from the divorce. But hey, his kids gotta live somewhere and I have to  have transportation to go to work and shuttle them back and forth so at the end of the day he is taking care of them by taking care of me and that's what it boils down to. But of course there are dumb chickens out there who take advantage of a man who tries to do the right thing and make a bad name for the rest of us.

To surmise, weigh each situation based on its own merit. It is unfair to paint every woman with the same broad brush.

So in the spirit of this very heated discussion, I reflected upon the things in society that caused the breakdown in male-female relationships, particularly how men behave towards women, and broke it down to three contributing factors. They are as follows:




Radical Feminists







Now, we admit that the feminist revolution helped accomplish many things and we are grateful. Gender equality in the workplace, readily available forms of contraception. OK, great! But when you are harping to every man you meet that you are educated, own your own home, and make x amount of money you are just telling him that you don't need him. Men want to be needed. No. Need to be needed. It is part of their insecure masculine nature. Sure you may be doing well for yourself but no need to rub it in his face on the first date.

Also, when you keep harping that women are equal to men and can do anything men can do, and the biggest lie of all: "I don't need no man!", don't be surprised if you end up holding your own door, pulling out your own chair, and paying for your own food.





The Gold Digger







Thanks to the gold digger, most of us women have to "pretend" that money is not an issue. It is an issue. It is not everything but love can't go to the supermarket. Love can't pay bills. Women are now afraid of demanding that their men step up to the plate because they are afraid of appearing like gold diggers. Men use the gold digger as an excuse to avoid taking care of their children because according to them: "she trapped me with a kid and I ain't even sure if it's mine." I am not saying that there aren't groupies who go around and deliberately get pregnant for high profile stars so they could have an 18 year meal ticket, but their MO has the rest of us regular girls walking on eggshells around potential partners because we don't want to seem like we're gold diggers. F-U very much!



Hip Hop/Dancehall









This genre of music is not all bad, but the prevalent message that comes from them is one of a violent sexual nature. There are a plethora of songs likening women to hos and pretty much laud lewd behavior and course language. It's OK to dress like a ho, shake your ass like you're getting paid to, and fuck anyone just to get ahead (even if it means getting ahead in the line outside the club). Karrine Steffans made her living from sucking dicks and yapping about it. She's getting paid to play the part that she and other video vixens portray, and sadly it is spilling off the screen into your homes as your little sisters or daughters watch and emulate Beyonce and others, as they strut around and shake what their mommas gave them.

 In dancehall specifically, there is an increase in references to angry sex. It is now fashionable for a man to liken intercourse to stabbing, beating, tearing, daggering, tumping (thumping), and forcing up one's penis into a female's vagina. This rape culture is becoming too pervasive in our culture, and men expect us to be dutty wining, head top balancing, doggy style posing, stripper heeled wearing, g-string stuffing hoes.


Can you think of any other reason why etiquette and chivalry has gone out the window and why men have become so tight with their wallets?


blkmsm@gmail.com

All I Wanted To Do Was Cut The Grass

"They say i have to be strong

and that I've got to carry on.

But what am I? 

I'm not made of steel.

I can't tell myself what to feel."

I sprained my frikking wrist. My lawnmower is shot. My grass has grown ten feet high. Begged the nephews to come over and help. Of course they did a half assed job and I have to finish up myself. My garden is nowhere in vision this year. Meanwhile my two year old is inside potty training and getting her dukie everywhere. I really can't do this by myself anymore. For the first time in my singledom I am declaring that I NEED a man. I never had to worry about this mess when STBE was around. The lawn was the one thing he took care of without me bitching at him. Definitely not feeling like this superwoman people expect me to be.



blkmsm@gmail.com

Facebook SMH

It sickens me. It just sickens me. They'll post cryptic cuss outs. They will find every single break up song on youtube and post them. Their relationship status changes from married to widowed. And the dude just posted a bunch of photos 53 seconds ago from his latest night at the club. Then a few weeks or months later you see the same widowed broad post family pics where she and her man are all smiles and kisses. Or the relationship status goes back to married. Or they will post some status like "going on a date with my boo ♥". And you're like "Boo who? Not the same nucka you just done cyber cussed out and swore up and down you were through with? Give me a frikking break!"



You know what I am talking about. That mess just makes me SMH! When my husband and I were together we NEVER posted mushy photos of us. I have pics of him and the girls and maybe one of both of us. But none of us kissing or acting all lovey dovey. And it was not because we weren't offline. When I was not pissed off with him we would cuddle a lot. We weren't touchy feely all the time but we usually kissed each other goodbye when one was leaving the house. But of course our marriage went down the toilet and I am about to flush.

I don't believe in cyber PDA. Of course I did put my relationship status up for a while but it wasn't like people could not figure out that I was married. We were on each other's FB until he deleted his account and we never once wrote mushy messages on each other's pages. And now that we are broken up, only a handful of my 300 plus friends know, and that's only because I told them myself.

So I have a few friends and a family member who like to post these "cryptic" messages which everyone gets, such as:

"What's love got to do with it?"

or


"What do you do when the one you love hurts you so badly?"

or


"Some motherfuckers just need to die!"

The relationship status change comes after the not so cryptic posts. In a relationship ----single-----in a complicated relationship-----in a relationship. These are like days or weeks apart. Now comes the mushy status updates that indicates they are back on the pole and in love again. All I can do is SMDH and say WTF???  Weren't you just broken up? Didn't he cheat on you? Why are y'all booed up again? And why are you hugging and smiling with the kids at Central Park Zoo? It's not cute. It's sickening. Grow a backbone and stand your ground! Stop putting up with bullshit all because you were afraid of being alone. I did for many years. But I never acted like we were all happy and in love. We all know that he cheated on you, or he hit you, or he was just a dirty lowlife bum. He will not change if you take him back. The only thing changing is your Facebook updates. If you think you are deceiving anyone it is only yourself. And please stop posting blow by blow accounts of your relationship. At the end of it all you just look like one big joke to the rest of us onlookers!


I almost forgot to mention the ones who go all out proclaiming their love for some guy they just happened to meet. Then all of a sudden they are in a relationship. Then they break up. Then give her a month or so and it's a new dude all over again. Really? Is it that necessary to tell the world that you're fucking? Because we know that being in a relationship these days entails fucking. So if you're with a new guy every month or so, how many dudes is that in a year? Seriously?

Facebook, SMH!


blkmsm@gmail.com

A Cum Too Quick Fix

So Monday I was having a super hectic stressful day at work. My phone was ringing off the hook. Married ex was calling. And after moving a few projects around I succumbed to an afternoon of adultery. I took an hour off from work to meet up with him for lunch and dessert. Of course, I did it in reverse order. Dessert first and lunch after. Now it always amazes me that no matter how busy he is, he can always make time for me. The man is an attorney and an elected official whose time is very limited, yet he took valuable vacation time to get the afternoon off for me. H.S.S. would not think of missing a day from work for anything other than debilitating illness.

So anyway, things were going well. We kissed. His lips are probably the softest I've ever kissed. Very meaty! We undressed and then he found his way into my crevice. He does not have length like H.S.S. does, but he does have a nice fat cock. So everything was going great. I felt my thighs tremble and I smiled in glee as he pounded away. It was going great for a hot minute or two until he started to slow down. He would thrust away then stop to kiss me, put me in a different position, or suck on my breasts and then moan that the pussy was so good and he didn't wanna cum yet. I was beginning to get agitated. My hips were beginning to get angry. After building me up and letting me down so frequently within the space of a few minutes, I thrashed my pelvis violently and it told him "you'd better not cum yet motherfucker. I am not done with you."

Too late.

He groaned so loudly as he shot his load. I wasted no time getting up from the scene of the disappointing crime. I was starving anyway, so after I got cleaned up and semi-dressed I downed the salad he brought me as he took calls from other politicians and was deep in discussion about the city's budget and an upcoming ethics case. I would have gone back for a second round, and so would he, if I didn't have to run back to work to finish up. He also had to leave to meet with a press associate who had called him earlier.

I left feeling far from satisfied. Most of my day's stress was gone, but I was in need. That night when I got home, my poor clit paid dearly as I mercilessly and unrelentingly pleasured myself numerous times. Now I realize why I find it so hard to let him go. He's reliable. If I call him for lunch, dinner, or just sex he always tries his best to make accommodations. But I cannot continue fucking him if the sex remains like this. He's gotten worse since he's gotten older. Ten years ago he was a long distance stud. Now?

It's sad, but I actually went on Google trying to find ways to help him to delay his ejaculation.

Stop & Go

I see some sites recommending what I hate oh so much. The stop and start. Of course they say you can keep your lady pleasured during one of your breaks. Please! I HATE it! Maybe if he fucked me with a dildo it wouldn't be so bad because all I wanna do is to be hammered til I cum.

Be PC

PC muscles. They're not only found in women. Men have them too. He can train his dragon to keep the fire pent up if he learns to contract his muscles.

Pressure Treatment

To the perineum that is. The little area between the anus and the testicles. Some guys are squeamish about that. If he is kinky and loves to try new things he would actually enjoy this sensation.

Tug of War

Tug on his balls. Don't yank it like one of those old fashioned toilets. Gentle pull on his nuts. Some guys are scurred to have women pulling on their balls. Some  like it. Find out the temperament of your man before going for the 'nads. I usually shy away from it unless he asks me to.

Just Breathe

They say that controlling one's breath will help slow down ejaculation. Faster breathing tends to arouse one more. Well, duh! If you are thinking about how deep a breath you took your mind is not on the willy and you not only delay ejaculation, but also risk getting a flat tire.

Now, I doubt any of these techniques will change much between us. I kinda feel awkward talking to him about such sensitive matters but if he is gonna stay on the roll then he needs to be able to perform. What purpose does it serve to have an old faithful dog if he can't chase burglars away?



blkmsm@gmail.com

Post Apocalypse State Of The Union Report

So I am here. We are all here it seems. But for a hot minute or twenty I thought I was in heaven as I rode my lover like a mechanical bull. He was over here late Friday night. Before we got intimate we had a very long talk about us.

Apparently, he was aware that our communication recently was not going well. He stated that his reason for misinterpreting me a lot lately is because he is simply exhausted and after a couple hours of sleep each night and working for weeks without a break his concentration is not there. He also pointed out some things that I tend to do during our conversation which drives him nuts. The fact that I am stubborn does not help the situation. I am a Taurus and that is our nature. When I have made up my mind about something it is hard for anyone to convince me otherwise. But I suppose from time to time I could concede and let him think he was right for once. I asked him if he noticed that  in the past few months I have not been arguing with him, just remaining silent as he would state his point of view. He insisted that it was worse for me to do that because we were supposed to be able to discuss anything like two mature adults, even if we did not see eye to eye. True.

In addition to my obstinate nature, he hates when I am vague with him and dislikes it when I do not open up to him. He tries to make conversation with me whenever he comes over, but I am always the one rushing to take the clothes off. I don't like talking about my parents or my job or my kids or my STBE while I am about to get my groove on. But, he is right. I cooould dedicate some time to getting all the formalities out the way. My friend said to me once that if I wanted him to be more than just a fuck, then I need to stop treating him like one. Well the thing is, sometimes I feel as if we are just fuck buddies. In response, I shut down in order to protect myself from being hurt by the fact that I want him and he does not want to be with me.

So, we discussed how we could communicate with each other better in the future. It was well needed. We have a meeting of the minds but not quite so for the heart. Of course his not wanting to commit to me came up during the course of our conversation. He said that he was having a hard enough time as it was making room for me in his hectic life. If he were to commit to a being in a relationship he would find himself constantly having to apologize to me and having to always make up for disappointing me. He is right. We were supposed to meet up on two occasions prior to this one and so this being the third time he went out of his way to come see me. If he did not make it I would get a serious attitude and probably ignore him for a while. I know. And he knows that too. Imagine being in a relationship where someone was mad at you all the time? Can't blame him at all.

So during our conversation I was massaging him and he returned the sentiment. I rubbed him down with my heated oil and tickled his sensual points with my peacock feather while he gave me some attention where I needed it. Before long he had me on top of him. Not where I wanted to be at that moment for I had other plans for him, but I couldn't resist the urge. All my senses awakened and as he entered my soul, I exited into him as well. We stared into each others eyes as I felt myself just losing control. I think every pore in my body must have been secreting my essence. I was going HAM on his dick and I was dripping in my own sweat to prove it. He noticed and asked me something in regards to my increased moisture, but I was too deep in ecstasy to reply. I fucked him like the world was about to end and I had a climax that rivaled the earthquake in Haiti. That must have been the catastrophic earthquake those Christian nuts predicted because as far as I know that was the only one I know of.

H.S.S. had this bewildered look on his face. Apparently we came in unison. He asked me: "What the hell did you just do?" He said he thought everything was going as it normally did, and had planned on putting me in a few positions before he came. But before he knew it I was having my monster orgasm and according to him he was overwhelmed by the sensations and couldn't help it when he came. He said: "I felt that."

I know he felt it because I felt it too. It's that inexplicable surge of energy that passes between two souls as the make a connection. In this case, a reconnection. Funny enough a portion of my horoscope for that week read:

"This weekend, however, meaningful and quite possibly enlightening connections are favored by the stars. Whether this bond is new or tried and true, it can lead amazing places for you now."

I felt our bond strengthen after our talk. I felt our hearts connect while we made love. I felt our love deepen when he grabbed me after sharing his thoughts, and kissed me hard like it was destined to be our last kiss on earth. Whether this will lead to amazing places for me now, I don't know. All I do know is that he flipped through the channels while I turned over and went to sleep, thinking that despite all that divinity that just occurred between us, he is still not mine.




blkmsm@gmail.com

It's The End Of The World As We Know It

So tomorrow, May 21, 2011, is projected to be the beginning of the rapture, with completion in October of this year. We all know it's a bunch of b.s. but since Bin Laden's death has become kinda stale news, we all are making this judgement day thing a big deal. I have partaken in ridiculous status updates on Facebook about this foolishness. And I even have H.S.S. scheduled to come over to give me some end of the world loving.

But seriously, doesn't this remind you of the Millenium? The big Y2K frenzy! Heck! This girl found her fornicating ass in church for the watch night service. First thing I did when I got home was turn on the PC to see if it was still working. AOL was up and running. The once annoying ping and ding of the modem was a refreshing sound to hear that night. Life was good. Nothing happened. Phew! We were indeed Y2K compliant.

As people rush to churches for emergency baptisms and all night prayer meetings (like my cousin), it just gives credence to the power that religion still has over all of us. From the confused atheist, to the Sunday Christians, and even the regular non-church-going heathens like myself. My mother once observed that all the neighbors on my street did not go to church on Sundays. I told her that I suppose we were all heathens. Now, I guess deep down most of us want to be G-O-D compliant.



blkmsm@gmail.com

Sex and Wardrobe Selection

So right after my girlfriend was talking about her "freak 'em" dress I went shopping for a new pair of "fuck me" shoes. When I went out with H.S.S. I had a "wanna fuck?" outfit in mind, but because I was pissed at him I wore a "you know you want some of this but you ain't getting it" outfit.


Yes, we send subliminal messages with our clothing choices. Messages like:

 "I don't give a crap what anyone thinks. I wanna be original." - mismatched outdated clothing.

or

"I just wanna be comfortable today." - sweats and sneakers.

or

"I wanna blend in. I don't wanna be noticed." - something considered average and ordinary for whatever circumstance. Nowadays jeans and a shirt will cut it for either man or woman in a casual setting.

So yes, when we go to the clubs, to the restaurant, movies, or even stay in with our men we dress to communicate how we are feeling and how we want them to proceed with us. Whenever I did not wanna have sex, I would wear the largest underwear I could find and my STBE would assume that I was having my period. The last time H.S.S. slept over I wore a cotton bikini (which he still considered huge ) and he assumed that I was on the rag as well. LOL! Men use our clothing choices as cue cards telling them what their next line is in the act.

So my girlfriend's "freak 'em" dress would be a tight mini dress I assume. My "fuck me" shoes (or my "stripper shoes" as a girlfriend had teased once) are my stilettos, and not any ole stilettos. Usually black, not strappy, gladiator-like, spiked heels, and studded with rhinestones or silver spikes. My "wanna fuck" outfit is one which leaves the important parts visible or accessible. A short dress with no panty on or a deep cut shirt revealing cleavage would fall in that category. And finally, my "you know you want some of this but you ain't getting it" outfit that I wore had me covered up and looking very modest. I wore tight dark blue jeans, a black strapless top, and a khaki green military collar jacket. But of course I deliberately did not wear a bra so when H.S.S. saw my headlamps turned on he could not resist but to cop a feel. Of course that was all he could do because he wasn't getting any.

So in a nutshell, put some thought into what you wear. What message do you intend to send? Remember, there is such a thing as first impression, and you don't get a second chance at that. If you want someone to take you seriously when they first meet you, then dress like you do. Later on down the road in your relationship, you will know what your partner responds to and dress accordingly. If your partner is not responding to your subliminal messages then it is time to kick it up a notch and just have a serious talk about the state of your union.




blkmsm@gmail.com