Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The Craigslist Experiment

A few months after my separation from the STBE I decided to brave the fears associated with meeting individuals on Craigslist. You know? Craigslist is supposedly a playground for psycho stalkers, murderers, rapists, ex cons, or just weird people in general. I am none of those things so I took a chance in hopes that there were others out there like me. Sane, decent people who just have no opportunity to meet and get to know someone as quickly ITRW as they would online. Was it worth it? Yes and no. Did I meet interesting people? Yes I did. Would I do it again? No.

The World of Online Dating

There are a plethora of online dating sites now. I am sad to say that I have joined at least three of them and browsed a few more. Match dot com refused to let me sign up until they have my divorce decree. Phooey! The others I just did for fun I suppose. But I decided to go out on a limb and post an ad on Craigslist. I was brutally honest in it. I described myself, my situation, and exactly what I was looking for: a frequent friendly fuck. The occasional wining and dining was expected of course.

Needless to say I received tons of replies. It is amazing how many white men out there wanna get with a sista! Not that I have anything against interracial dating (my husband and I were an interracial couple) but I have never gotten my swirl on with a white man and I am not particularly interested in white American men. Maybe Scandinavian men, but that is just an unfulfilled fantasy of mine. I got replies with chest pics, ab pics, dick pics. No pics, and an occasional face pic.

Making Connections

My first reply was this amazingly hot guy whose pic caught my eye. I was not just attracted to his photo but the fact that he was a single dad just out of a relationship and he understood where I was coming from. In my post I had stated my preference for men with kids. The reason being that they understand the demands of parenthood.

So we emailed, traded pics, texted, and I spoke to him once. He pissed me off when he asked me for money to help with his party promotions. I did not even meet the dude and he was already being barefaced. I did not feel a connection and apparently he did not either so we stopped communicating.

A few weeks later I got an email from a man who sounded like a very nice guy. He was a father of two boys, lived about 20 minutes away, and he just seemed like a decent guy. We did the online dating dance: email, texted, then one amazingly long phone call. I really liked him. And the feeling seemed to be mutual.

Confusing Courting

We went out on a date to a quaint town in Northern Massachusetts. Had coffee, watched a movie, then I bailed to go hang out with my girlfriends that night. The date ended with him trying to kiss me and it felt very awkward. I liked him alot but could not see myself with him sexually. He is a handsome fella but he just was not my type. He was wonderful though. In the weeks that followed he had a personal crisis in his family and he was not very receptive to my invitations to spend some time together. After Christmas when he did not respond to my text I deleted his number from my phone. About five weeks later I received a text from him saying that he wanted to go to a wine tasting festival here instate and he was sorry he lost touch for the five weeks. He also said he had alot going on and would tell me all about it. I responded in a nonchalant manner.

He pretty much read into my reaction and never followed up on our date until a month later when I asked him if he was still interested in going to the wine tasting. He told me that he thought I was mad at him for not communicating during that time (I was but never said so). He chose the restaurant and movie (second time I let him do that) and I was looking forward to seeing him. Then on the day we were supposed to go he sent me a text telling me that he had been going through some issues and was too depressed to go out with me that night. I told him I hope he felt better soon and deleted his ass from my cellphone. I have no patience for confusing men. That was 5 days ago. I have not heard from him since. I would have loved to help him work through whatever problems he had but he never gave me that chance. I am not angry or anything like that, I just don't think he is ready to date anyone, least of all, me.

The Verdict

So that was my experience with Craigslist. I am happy I was not abducted and my body found washed up ashore. It was exciting, thrilling, and disappointing. I do not believe that this is the place to find that lifelong partner. It is just as hard to find the right person to have just a sexual relationship with. How do you know you can trust this person? But then again, how do you know you can trust the guy you meet on the street, or in the club? I have decided to give online dating a rest. The exception to that rule is if I was searching for a third party for a menage a trois...

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