Monday, September 7, 2015

Not so Married. Not so Single. PT. 3

So the allure of being in a long distance committed relationship began to wear off around the 6th month of us being together when all my internal alarms started going off, alerting me that something was not right. In the midst of me being ridden with anxiety and telling him that I needed space (we live over 1,000 miles apart) I started seeing a man and consequently fell in love and became involved in the most beautiful, loving, challenging, fulfilling, emotional and dramatic relationships I have ever been in in my entire life!

Mr. Man

I had known Mr. Man a while back by that point, I just never had the opportunity to get to know him better until I came aboard on the board of directors for this organization. I'd always regarded him as a distinguished gentleman but never considered myself suitable for him as I was not in his supposed league. You know, the league of doctors, lawyers and successful entrepreneurs who attend numerous fundraisers and golf together on weekends to shoot the proverbial breeze. I was not his type, and he was not mine, or so I thought.

It was late winter when he had started pursuing me. Quite often I would run into him at the bar and he would buy drinks for me and my friend. Eventually he wanted the digits but I did not give them up. Weeks later, I don't know what made me decide to cave but I gave him my business card, which was my subtle bot not so subtle way of letting him know that I was just a professional acquaintance and nothing more. Maybe I decided to cave when my anxiety about my relationship with Harry was growing deeper. I don't know, but I did. Curiosity got the best of me.

Our lunch date was more informative than romantic. I was feeling him out and he was feeling me out as well. We talked mostly about nonprofit woes and about people we knew more so than us. Finally, after all the bullshit I asked him if he was married. I already knew the answer, I was waiting to see the response. He said yes, and explained that it was less than ideal and just circumstances holding it together. I asked him to divulge and he promised to fill me in at a later time. It was at that point I asked him what the purpose of this meeting was. I wanted to get straight to the heart of the matter and not waste any time. He was very taken aback by my forwardness. He said that it was to get to know me better since we were going to be working together. I did not buy it and I was not satisfied with the answer but I said OK. After that, our lunch dates were weekly, then a couple times per week, then it got to the point that we could barely go a day without seeing each other. I was determined to hold out on the intimacy until my birthday. He was kind to me and he was generous. Even gave me an early birthday trip to Puerto Rico and the Virgin Islands, by myself. I went and had a great time but I missed him, and I wanted him, and I decided that once I got home I was coming for him. I did. On top of his desk. It was unplanned and fueled by alcohol and lust and when it was over, I could not believe how badly I had behaved. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to hold out for another week or so for my birthday. I was disappointed that I had let him know so soon...that I loved him.

I vividly remember uttering the words once he entered me. It was as if I could not contain all that I had started to feel for him and I know he felt the same way for me too. I had predicted a month earlier that he was going to love me. I knew it. I felt it in him. But like me, he was afraid. He told me not to say that but I told him it was true and I had to let him know how I felt. He told me he loved me too. And it was over. I woke up the following morning staring at the ceiling wondering what the fuck did I do? I had silently hoped that he would not call me and we would both pretend that this never happened, but he did. And so we made plans for breakfast the following Monday, only he did not know that I had planned on making it myself. He was surprised I had invited him to my house and did not realize where he was until he was actually there. Needless to say, breakfast turned into a late lunch as we spent hours in the bedroom making love and everything else in between as I enjoyed the newness of making love to a man 28 years my senior, and he, wallowing in my youthful tenderness. I was and still am surprised at his stamina and recovery time. One of the best I have ever had. Usually a good round would knock a man down for a good twenty minutes. Not him. He was in great physical condition for his age and was just a great lover overall.

My birthday came and went and the sex just got more and more intense. We took a trip to Jamaica in June and spent 5 days in heaven with each other. We made love so many times in so many places. Early in the morning, the warmth of the sun would radiate our skin as the waves of the warm Caribbean Sea rocked our intertwined bodies as we enjoyed our surroundings and each other. We came back, alive and exhilarated from our getaway vacation until the disaster that awaited him at home unleashed a fury that remains a sticking point in our relationship to this day, a year and a half later.

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