Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Desperate Housewife meets the Young and the Restless

We had just come back from 5 glorious days in Negril. Our time there was spent between making love and enjoying the sights, the foods, the people. On our last night there, we made love in the midst of a sea of emotions as I questioned the state of our relationship. After a very emotional discussion he came to the resolution that he was going to divorce her.  We returned home and became immersed in our newfound projects and began to work more closely on getting this startup company off the ground. One evening, I was at his office going over some documents and stepped out to make a call. In came this older woman who I found to be rather pretentious and nosey. I was on my call and she lingered. She introduced herself while I was on the phone. I held my hand up to signal to her that I would be right with her when I was done with my call. The pushy broad insisted on knowing my name. Once I told her she flew into the man's office and started pounding on him. I was horrified as it finally occurred to me who she was and I ended my call abruptly. If it ween't for the fact that my laptop and car keys were on his desk I would have flown out of there. I was stuck. I made a decision that I could do one of three things: call the cops, use said phone to clock her if she came near me, or just wait and see if the man would restrain her enough so I could get my shit and go. He did. All this while she was cussing him, cussing me, calling me all sorts of filthy names and asking me if I think he was going to leave with me, bitch!

Fast forward, three months later he wrote her a letter saying that it was time for them to go their separate ways. She responded by running out and immediately filing the petition to divorce the same day. Since then it has been hell. She has been driving by home home, showing up uninvited to our events, cussing him out every chance she gets, taking his stuff, accusing him of bullshit, cleaned out his business account, and has had the cops called on her ass more times than I care to count. The thing is, now she realizes she had a good man and he is gone. She even tried having talks saying they should go to counseling. I suppose she thought that he would come running back once she filed the divorce and that the newness of my pussy would wear off and he would come to his senses. He has. But not in the way she had hoped.

He saw her for what she was. A user. Expecting him to do any and everything, pay all the bills and bow to her every desire without her ever having to invest herself. She was emotionally abusive and I later learned that she was also physically abusive. He put up with it in stoic silence all in the name of maintaining a public image and out of duty to the family. He did that for a little over twenty years and there is only s much a man could take. I do not believe in breaking up happy homes. I would have never gone out with him if I knew he had no intention to leave. When I met him I saw a man who was broken and yearning to be loved. A man who had so much to give even after having to give so much of himself to get nothing but hurt in return. He has broken down in tears more times than I would like to admit. I have held him in my arms and I could see and feel the toll of the burden he has been carrying all this time.

So here we are, I am loving this shell of a man. Nursing him back to life. Trying to nurse myself back to life too. The time we have spent together has been precious. We have traveled together quite a few times. He's become a second dad to my kids. They love him to pieces. He tucks them in almost every night when he can and has been to their concerts, first day of school, etc. He has gone out his way to make my life as comfortable  and happy as can be. I cannot complain, I am enjoying the perks but sometimes I have to wonder at what cost?

See, this man was in an unhappy relationship for so long and when men are unhappy they go roaming. And he has admitted to roaming in the past. I have seen conversations between him and his ex and he has female friends who he sees and talks to on a regular basis. I have confronted him about it before and he knows that he needs to curtail his activities as his romantic situation is now different. To say the least, I don't know if I can say I can fully trust him and that is a problem. I am working through it and we have been having open discussions about it. I told him that I understand that he did what he did out of necessity but what we share now is different. He no longer has to search for attention, approval, and emotional connection because he has all that with me. But I understand that sometimes that it is hard to cut ties with someone you've shared something with for a long time. Now I come on the scene and to drop someone just because of that would be inhumane I guess but he has to learn to go back to being just friends and being flirtatious is hard to unlearn. There is a fine line he has to tread carefully, as do I with my male friends and former lovers. He claims he hasn't been physical with anyone since he has gotten serious with me. I try hard to believe him and I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I can't say the same for myself as I've dabbled with a few exes, mostly out of anger from what he had done. I don't feel right about it so I don't do it anymore. Not recently anyway. Boss Man came over one night to help me with something and I gave him a hug when he was leaving. He in turn kissed me on my neck and then lips. I said nothing. He had me feeling some sort of way but I quickly snapped out of that haze and returned my focus to what I had in front of me, which is this man. He knows about Boss Man and I being close but there has always been speculation about how intimate we were. I have never confirmed it. He has admitted to being jealous and I try in every way to reassure him that there is nothing between us. I am not sure he buys it but he pretends to be OK with us remaining friends. And I must pretend to be OK with his friends too. The only exception is that my conversations and visits are never kept secret.

 The amazing thing about our relationship is that I can sense when he is not being straightforward with me and hiding something. He is usually forced to come clean...well...the clean version of the truth. I let him know that I know way more than he thinks I do and it scares him. Keeps him in check for the most part. But I don't want t have to constantly keep him in check. I do worry that fate is destined to tear us apart and that he would enjoy his newfound freedom and feel bolder and want to step out in his new boldness. I cannot stop that if it should occur. I can only love him and love myself enough to know that if that is the case then he does not need to be a part of my life. As it is right now, I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me. He has never denied me to his family and I respect him for that. We have spent the last Christmas together, and he has invested time and money into not just me but my children who have also grown to love him. I see a great future for us but I am by no means naive to what lies ahead. I am prepared whichever way the axe swings. I am just trying to play this smart and should our union belly up, I should be able to land firmly on my feet regardless.


  1. I'm not sure if you should take this guy serious --- i understand that sometimes marriages or relationships do not work out but look how he does his wife of 20 years ---- we're older at this point come on now a tiger doesnt change his stripes usually. i read that you have strong feelings for him but he doesnt sound like he will hold up his 'end of the bargain' in the long run ---- hell look at how he treated his marriage. This old ass man definitely has some GAME, so please protect you and your children's heart. I really wish you didnt introduce them to him so soon as he is not 'emotionally stable' in my opinion. Take care ----- nine times of out ten the 'married but seperated' doesnt work too well with men. This aint Brad & Angelina I'm just saying !!

  2. My sister, thank you so much for your pragmatic words. I will say I will agree with you. Being involved in a situation like this is not for the feint of heart. I would never recommend this kind of situation to any other woman. As for myself, I am deeply involved and at this point I just cannot bring myself to walk away. Don't get me wrong, I've broken it off with him a few times. I have fleeting thoughts about it from time to time. But I just can't. We just can't. A friend of mind so succinctly put it like this: "That's what happens when you actually let someone in." We both let each other in and
    What's important to me right now is maintaining my own identity and being able to stand on my own two feet physically, mentally and emotionally. And it's not easy but all I can do is hope for the best.

  3. I love your blog and GOOD LUCK!!! I understand that some people can be 'beautiful' people but have to fight so many demons....

    Keep writing because I am reading if not anyone else LOL

    take care