Well, I'm still here! That is my one testimony for 2011. I am still here! Despite all the shit I been through, I've enjoyed some personal growth as I've had advancements in my career. Thanks to my significant weight loss I'm also physically healthier than say a year ago. I have a great feeling about this year. It's a new year, and I can't promise a new me but I promise it will be a better me. Already I feel myself receiving the benefits of some new positions I've already enacted at the latter part of last year.
I've been celibate for two months, by choice. I'm trying my best to keep my past relationships in the past and leave myself open for new and fruitful possibilities. Not saying that I don't miss getting physical but this time I've had to become retrospective and introspective has been great. I feel myself starting to heal. I don't break down any longer when I think of my failed relationships. I've taken things slowly with this man I was seeing recently and decided that it was not for me, and I feel fine with it. It just means another opportunity to go back in the dating pool and meet potentially wonderful men, one of whom will hopefully be "the one". As a matter of fact, I am currently speaking to a man who I've basically had a good feeling about since the first time he contacted me. Yes, we met online. I know I said I'd never do the online thing again but I just couldn't resist. It's like playing the lottery hoping that you hit the jackpot knowing damn well that your chances of doing so are slim to none. Anyway, I'm interested to see where this goes, and if it doesn't work out well then, you know there's plenty more fish in the sea!
Last night as I rang in the New Year in a club with my friends, I looked at the couples hugged up all around and I felt a slight twinge of envy. But you know, it was fleeting as I just enjoyed being in the company of a man and a woman whom I've been friends with for over a decade. I cherished the fact that despite all the years between us and the months we don't speak to each other, we still were as close as ever. I went home with a huge smile on my face and a warmness in my heart. Love as genuine as this makes the dimmest situations more bearable and I'm grateful to have that in my life.
Right now I'm just focused on being a better person. A better mom. A better friend. A better daughter. And I'm definitely intent on upping my money making game. I know many of you have similar goals, but let us not wait until the 31st of each year to decide that we need to make certain areas in our lives better. Start small. Think big! Much love to all of you for 2012!
blkmsm@gmail.com
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