Saturday, January 29, 2011

Doing Me?

So I am supposed to be on this revolutionary course of just doing me. But what exactly does doing me entail? I have had goals throughout my life. I have accomplished quite a few. I am a long way from accomplishing others. But doing me is just that: working on me and accomplishing the goals I set out for myself. Old ones and new ones.

I do not believe in new year resolutions. If anything, I only resolve not to make resolutions. I just decide on doing things and hopefully get them done whether it is May or November.

  • On November 1st 2010 I decided to tackle my weight problem and get healthier. I did not go on some radical diet or workout for 6 hours a day. I just cut back portions, stopped drinking juices, and did at least 3 days of exercise each week. So far my weight loss is at 20 pounds. Could have been more but this went on right through eating season... Thanksgiving to New Year (and then some) I feel great though, lots more stamina, and my blood pressure is stabilizing. (somewhat)
  • I want to be a better mom to my kids. I take care of them well enough, make sure they have had enough to eat, clean clothes to wear, a continued educational experience. But I still want to do more. I want them to have a stable home with the absence of their father, and in order to do that I need a stable me.

  • I want to be a better person. I want to be kinder, laugh more, happier.

  • I want to get in touch with my spiritual side. I am a believer in Christ and I want to put his principles to practice in my everyday life.

  • I want to place a higher value on my worth. In order to do this I realize that there are some people in my life who take advantage of me and make me their option while I have been making them my priority. I want to root these people out of my life.

  • This takes me to my sex life. I am a very passionate person. I have a high libido. I am what some would consider a nympho or a freak. I have an addiction to physical pleasure. In my pursuit to fulfill my own desires I have encountered some rather unpleasant situations. I mentioned two in my first post: my high school ex and my married on again off again lover. The sex is what keeps me coming back to both but neither of them want to incorporate me into their lives. My ex is still single but mingling and the married dude is very married. I have no desire to wreck a happy home and to be truthful I have no desire to be with him. My H.S. ex is the same. I love him but we just cannot be together for a number of reasons. One of these days I will get into it. But we love our familiar evils don't we?
    Anyhow, I recognize that my willingness to play the roles they want me to play is shortchanging me and preventing me from gaining what I possibly can out there in the world: a genuine, mutually beneficial relationship. I have recently decided to become celibate. I know this is going to be a tough one for me. The maximum I have EVER been able to do was 2 months. Let's see whether I fall off the wagon or not!

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