Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Dirtiest Bastard of Them All

One morning back in October, I discovered some serious revelations that put everything into perspective for me. I'd just gotten off of an overnight shift earlier that morning. I was on the phone with not-my-man and we were actually having some very deep conversations regarding relationships, what we wanted, past experiences, etc. I had to bring my SUV in to the dealership for maintenance, meet my new DJ, and in between that, hook up with an old girlfriend from college for breakfast. Pretty busy morning, but things were going well.

My girlfriend and I were each talking about our love lives, the ins and the outs, highs and the lows, ups and downs. Somewhere in the midst of our conversation, my high school sweetheart comes up. I told her about our initial rekindling, breaking down, then ending of our relationship. I told her about that time during the summer when I ran into his mom who gave me a big hug then proceded to fill me in on his activities. She showed me a photo of him and his new girlfriend, who was like a manatee in a lacefront wig. Even his mother couldn't stand her. I told my girlfriend that his mother should have been my mother in law. She and I shared a close relationship and maintained ties even after we broke up. Since our getting back together after my separation, she had hinted that I should stop by whenever I felt like. I never did. Especially after HSS and I went our separate ways, just because I didn't want to risk running into him. Anyhow, I shared with my girlfriend how his mother basically reminded me of why I couldn't be with him then, now,or ever. 

Then I said his name at the end of my spiel. The look on my girlfriend's face change. I knew it then. I knew it right at that second. I said,"you fucked him too didn't you?"

She started shaking her head in disbelief. Me, I remained stoic. Unmoved. But inside I was brewing up my own personal tornado. I started to replay things. To connect dots. To see if this was really a mistake. After running through the checklist to make sure that this was the same man we were talking about, we confirmed it was indeed him. We confirmed that they met each other right around the time I started dating the Aquarian. Right around the time I told him I was done with him and wanted to explore my options. Right around the time he called me to ask if I was really done with him. Right around the time he came over to see if we could work things out but ended up fighting instead. The same night I laid down in my bed only to find him giving me the best head he'd ever given me then making "love" to me with Sade singing "This is no Ordinary Love" in the background. 

It turns out that it did not get that far with my girlfriend. She said that he claimed she was too much woman for him to handle. And he is right. My friend is far too intelligent and sophisticated to put up with his childish bullshit. But he had pursued her, telling her that he was single and was not seeing anyone which was a blatant lie. And so, even though he and I were no longer seeing each other, he had managed to hurt me one more time. I decided it would be the last.

I told her I wasn't mad at her. I wasn't. How could I be when she had no idea. Even though he had no clue we were good friends he was still very much at fault. She and I conspired to let him know that we knew about each other. I sent him an IM telling him that she said hi. I ended it with a smiley face. That was some real passive aggressive shit and he would know it too. He replied hours later, "uh..ok?"

Then after no response from me he asked a while after if I was not saying hi too. I sent a single question mark for my reply. He wanted to rope me into conversation to find out just what I knew.I did not feed into it and he did not push it any further. Weeks later he asked me if I was ok during the hurricane. I said yes and thanks. He sent Thanksgiving greetings. I said thanks same to you. I always kept it short with him and never left any open ended questions that would require further conversation. On New Year's Eve he wrote me this email. 

"May not get the chance later so..
Just want to take this opportunity to wish u & ur family a happy new year. Hope that u r able to have ur new starts, as well as achieve all ur goals. God bless"

I don't know what the intent was behind it but I sent him back this exact response 4 days later:


This bastard has no place in my life. I would live happily knowing I would never hear from him again. I can't say I hate him, as it takes way too much brain power to hate someone. Can't say I wasn't hurt. I am slowly trying to get over it. I am just grateful that I dodged a bullet, again. I told my girl that too, that she dodged a bullet. She agreed, as a matter of fact she was the one who encouraged him to go to counselling with his mom. Something I was not able to do. He can try to control some low self esteem heffer with his insecure mommy issues ass. Not this woman. And I can celebrate that fact from here to kingdom come!

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