Sunday, March 4, 2012

Returning To Stasis

So, The Hombre and I officially parted ways just about 2 weeks ago. I was incredibly sad but at the same time relieved! I just couldn't understand why I would feel like the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders when a man I had real feelings for, probably the first man outside of my high school ex that I ever felt this way about, had basically agreed to stop seeing  me. He and I split up the Monday, and my cousin told me that by Friday I would forget about him. And she was right. Well, not all the way right because I still think about him from time to time. But I don't feel as sad anymore because The Aquarian was right there to wipe away the tears, from my heart that is.

Now, please don't get it twisted. I am not and do not hope to pursue a relationship with this guy, ever. But the thing is, he was just there. I had my truck in the shop doing what I thought was an hour repair. Turned out to be about 6 hours. I had to have my cousin pick me up so I could borrow her SUV. I dropped her to work and went about my business. By the time the shop had called me saying my SUV was ready I had gone through my phone book, trying to find a friend who was available to drive my vehicle from the shop to my cousin's workplace. Guess who was the last resort?

He was very willing. I picked him up in front of his office and we caught up with each other on the way to the garage. There were a lot of things left unsaid between us. I got a lot off my chest. Most of the things I've held against him for the past 6 plus months turned out to just be my insecurities running amok. He let me have it and I felt like shit for not giving this man the time of day and assuming the worst at all times. You may or may not remember that in the beginning we had expressed to each other that we wanted an open relationship. The only condition was that one was to let the other know what was going on. It proved too much for me so I ended it. But, since then he has not stopped reaching out, calling, texting, even when I ignored him. And now, I needed a friend and he was the first responder. I bought him a drink afterwards, at a strip club nonetheless. At that point of the evening I was in a vulnerable state. Me and the Hombre had just broken it off like two hours before and my emotions were still reeling. But the old adage that says the best way to get over one man was with another rang true. I made a date with him for that Friday.

It's wintertime, and I really prefer staying in most of the time, and it had been raining all day so that made matters even worse. But the rain makes me oh so horny and I was ready. The moment he walked through the door and saw me, he declared that we were going to have to skip over business and move right on to pleasure. I did not mind. I needed a release. I needed a climax and then eventual return to stasis. My emotions had been going crazy ever since I started dating the Hombre and I just wanted to feel balanced  and find my equilibrium again. And so I found it, in his pants...among other locations.

I had music playing, and this man did something to me that no other man had ever done with me behind closed doors. He took me in his arms and danced with me as if we were on a dance floor with an audience around us.  We're both freaks so the usual married folks sex just doesn't cut it for us, but somehow the usual was just unusual that night. I don't even want to share the details of what took place after but I will say that his exact words were: "we're making love now...". I don't know how many times I came, but he sorted me out good and proper, and we did not even get to try some of the things we'd been planning to.

 Usually I'd be watching the clock and anxious to kick him out but that night when he drifted off to sleep I allowed him to rest. I did not rest though. There is just something about sharing my bed with a man that irks me, even from when I was with my husband. I love having the comfort of a warm body next to mine, but I guess the constant awareness of another person keeps me awake. Not to mention the snoring. He left early the following morning.

Even after the man had announced to me that he wanted me to be his wifie and have his son, I still know in my heart that even if I do feel something for him, it would never be enough to make me want to give myself to him fully. For now, I will just enjoy what we have: a booty call with the benefit of a friendship. He's there when I need him, and that is all that matters to me for now. As for my pursuit of a real relationship, I have not given up. I'm not anxious to bedding anyone right now but I remain open to meeting new people.

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